My memory and brain work in a special way and it’s been fun re-evaluating life with the new understanding about how much of it is ner-divergent brain related.
The ADHD community and autism spectrum awareness is having its spotlight turned up online. 2024 is a great time of self discovery and awareness for many in the online social media circles. People are learning about a community they’ve been a part of their entire life without realizing it and it’s coming as a complete surprise or shock to them as they start connecting the dots and figuring out there are actual explainable reasons for so many of the things they have been doing that seemed wrong or at least different than they way other people were reacting and handling their lives.
It’s a fascinating time online, witnessing more and more people every day have collective lightbulb moments that begin a series of realizations in a chain reaction that helps them to understand the world more. I remember the moment in time for me when a single lightbulb switched on like a movie theater marquee triggering a long flashing circle of lightbulbs. I re-evaluate d every strong memory of my childhood backwards in time, with a new perspective with understanding rather than failure. I see that in the faces of the TikTok posts as new people experience it through sharing some of the things that now make sense for the first time in their life.
Many of the things I thought were quirks of who I am, I am learning are traits connected to the different ways the nerodivergent brain sees and reacts to the world. The way I interpret my world is different than the people I know. instead of thinking it’s just me, and attributing my life as a long list if failures, I understand it’s a struggle felt by an entire community of truly like-minded people living. This time of discovery is exciting.
It’s fun learning about who I am. It’s equally fun watching others discovery who they are too. Welcome to our supportive community!
The “I was today years old when I learned” trend combined with “that’s me! I do that too”. People happily posting new videos explaining how they reacted to learning yet another personal quirk they assumed was part of who they were that turned out was common among the spectrum.
It’s not a bug it’s a feature.
To some, these self discovery moments will be used for good and unfortunately some will be used to increase depression and hopelessness. Everyone reacts differently when learning something new about your entire life of experiences. Learning your failures were explainable can justify not trying at all
I’m still trying to figure my life out at age 61.
I learn things every day about why I react to life in unexpected ways when compared to others.the opportunity to stop thinking about those comparisons with right and wrong mentality was a huge step. All of those times where I was struggling with issues that others seemed to have no issues with now made sense and I was able to reduce blame and guilt and frustration when I tackle those hurdles moving forward. Instead of abusing myself with thoughts of doubt and anger, I can understand there is a reason it’s a struggle for me and approach it with a different perspective. Suddenly my failures are not my fault and solutions might be available if I stop trying to solve my problems with the tools designed for a different style of thinking.
Disabilities are frequently based on accessibility. The essentials in life may not be accessible to all the people but sometimes just picking more suitable tools levels the playing field again.
Learning the contradictions I experience in life stem from trying to be like them instead of embracing my difference was significant. Growing up in any environment that seems conflicting to your internal instincts will always be easier once you understand the conflicts are not wrong, but different.
Growing up in a world where expectations don’t sync with feelings is always going to be a struggle. Lions raised in captivity may always be confused with instincts they can’t comprehend.
It has been a great help to understand my memory seems to store and retain memories differently. Life experiences are less time based.
I convert my life into stories as I save them. l tend to feel emotions in the reactions of others. I don’t fully understand or remember my emotions so I tend to live my life in the faces and emotions of the people I react with. Things I do alone are almost instantly forgotten. I don’t enjoy anything if I am doing it without interaction.
Time doesn’t move unless I can see it in the people around me.
Once I partake in any activity, I convert it to a story for storage in my memory. I do not store it in a timeline format but rather as individual anecdotal stories from my past. When recalling these, it’s often difficult to pinpoint when the events occurred. Sometimes I can relate them to being before or after other events but the difference between something happening last week and something happening last year are almost insignificant in my memory recall
If the events happened without other people involved, generally speaking I cannot recall those at all. I do not have memories of many things that happen in my life simply because I have no point of reference to bring them back. I used to say I have a fantastic memory but the file system is screwed up. If you recall a memory for me I can often return it with great detail. Otherwise I have no idea what I know or did in my past.
Without interaction or conversation, I can only look forward. Deal with the now in front of me. Not only is this explain a lot of why I am the way I am, it is fascinating to note that it is not just me. Instead of using this information to depress me and feel hopeless, I understand now that it’s going to be this way so what tools and processes can I adapt to that will improve my life.
Unfortunately once I complete this blog and hit send this note becomes one of those thoughts that will have no reason to return to because blogging is non-interactive. The idea and the hope to improve will be gone for now and I will continue my life moving forward reacting and adapting to the now in front of me without guilt about ignoring the idea of improving.
Even I think that’s a weird way of living but it is somewhat comforting to know it’s just the way my brain works.
