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Zero Praise Frustration
A typical morning mood post where I complain nobody likes my online work. Self pity isn't pretty.

Zero Praise Frustration

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A while ago, I transitioned from making what believed to be highly creative music videos with drug content, to what I still believe are highly creative cow and chicken videos. The drug videos reached a reasonably narrow audience of viewers in va demographic of people not expecting or wanting to watch my content, so it wasn’t surprising when I received close to zero attention or feedback.

When I decided to stop making content for the drug  community and widen my horizons to content I could share on YouTube and TikTok, Facebook and Instagram I thought it was reasonable to expect more people would see it. 

The viewing numbers were certainly much higher but exposure on public platforms does not guarantee success. I knew this.uy content isn’t really mainstream, but I still expected some attention.

I know I’m not an attractive teenager or celebrity and those viewers don’t want to watch a 60 year old trying to entertain with videos of extremely boring tasks. I’m not offering advice, or tips or life hacks that can make people coming back. I’m just getting desperate in my attempts to do the exact same thing every day, and pretending it’s anything other than futile to make it interesting and watchable. 

People may like one video, but when they see each one is exactly the same concept day after day, they stop coming back. I get it. Believe me it’s my life doing the exact same thing every day too  I totally get it.

I frequently consider not making a video or three a day, but then the chore is even less significant. The duty of recording an uneventful task that seldom offers any true change or excitement is the only thing I have. If I stop recording this repetitious life, I’ll only have the repetitious life to live. 

The thought and effort I try to put into the videos every day in my quest for a like or a comment is what makes each day not feel exactly like yesterday and the day before. My compilation of new twists is how I survive but I can’t deny doubt is getting stronger.

I know my patterns. Soon I will miss a day of shooting video, and it won’t matter. Nobody will care, or even notice if there are 15 cows that day. Nobody will ask if I’m ok.

 Does a content creator have the right to claim that title if nobody sees their content?

I said over and over I wasn’t going it to become famous. I am not doing it for the money. I didn’t want to do it through cheating with tricks to grow an audience that wasn’t organically grown.

All I want is a few fans. An acknowledgement that I made one or two people smile. Farm life is different from my city life. In a populated existence I create smile for people every day. Ordering a hamburger at a fast food restaurant gives me the opportunity to make somebody smile. 

The cows don’t smile. If anything, their main emotion is irritation. They moo primarily when they want something from me.

The chickens are clearly excited to see me arrive. They come alive when I show up, but their mood visually changed if I don’t have treat for them each day. That isn’t the same as a genuine person’s smile.

In the absence of smiles, I just wish a few more people would click the thumbs up, or the heart, or the like. They don’t fully realize the joy that comes with seeing a notification each morning. How easy it would be to generate my smile, and let me know I helped them smile, even just a little bit.

Alas, I blog this in my private journal only seen by myself and a few bots. I need to figure out my next move or I’ll surely be unhappy again. Sustaining a good mood needs fuel. It needs smiles and praise.

For now, I raised my mood just enough to complain, and begin a great Monday.

Maybe I’ll give the chickens a Tomato. I got zero comments on my high effort music video yesterday but the chickens will be happy to see me if I bring them a tomato.