I really am too tired tonight. I shouldnt be, but the back problem retrned. I wasnt surprised, since the last time the fall season brought me the back problem, it was also ecstast based… orso was my guilt based self diagnosis. This pst week I’d been popping capsules and snorting some pretty good MDMA. I dont drink enough and eat enough and the weather comes in and the old bones do what old bones do… stop working without complaint, which in this case comes as a sciatic quality nerve pinch and I can’t move.
The long walk down the hall to pee is now prefixed by a 15 minute struggle to move super slowly 1 centemeter at a time testing the positions. I am suddenly the old man who needs a cane and a philepino support worker.
yes please.
I pause. I just gave myself a boost of energy before sliding into my bed for the rest of the night. Its 2:22am on aSaturday. There is a lot to tell, and I want to… but exhaustion hits you a little different wh youre sick, old, in pain, and up on drugs keeping you awake for 3 days.
Has it been 3 days? I always forget, and am shocked every time. I know I’ve been staying in this high state for a while now. I usually get a few good days of focus enhanced work on both needed and extra circicular web work. Thursday was my Second Life all-nighter party day of choice for a while because I was still having Saturday adventures with my friend, until she started to object to my higness and attitude changes, and got a beter deal. A better man.
Is that fair? Is that an esteem issue? I know I’m a pretty good boyfriend, but he’s a lot better at everything… and doesn’t do all the drugs I do.
It’s almost ironic that I am finally realizing how great a guy I am, just as I’m becoming less of a great guy. I used to say withconfidence that I would be a good boyfriend and was at least as caring, understanding, respectful and good looking as any of the fat over 40 boyfriends that seem to be on TV sitcoms. Now sadly, peo;le here meth and think I’m worse than an after school special bac alley guy.
Aderall would be a nicer way to tell the story. Medication gets a free pass when telling a story. Medicinal weed was the soft way to tell your grandparents you liked weed. I’m not sure you get that leeway when telling old granny your addicted to Oxi, but even still, it conjurs a better image in ones imaginatin than; “hooked on heroin”. If I told prospective blind dates I had an Aderall problem, then there is hope, and rehabilitation… but a meth head is a different mental image, and theyre more worried about whether they have to check their valuables after I leave.
I’m still of the opinion that addiction is a weird word. Why is addiction a problem if its to something youre taking everyday anyway? Who cares if I can’t quit somethingI want to take.
I realize this is a point at which the drugs build up a tollerance and you have to do more and at some point it becomes horrible. Still, in a small way, I can’t help but use the examples fromthe past, and wonder if the absolute horrors I am anticipating from meth amphetamine use may not be exagurated, in much the same ways the others were. The propoganda about weed was laughable in hindsite, especially when you learn the truth was that the goverment knew they were telling lies, but really really wanted people to not try it.
I get it. We’re still living in a society where a lot of people believe drugs are as bad as they’ve always been told. You’ll lose your mind on weed, and jump off a buiding on LSD. I’m glad I at least stopped hearing about all the acid being diluted with Stricnine rat poison. That was a hard lie to squash.
Meth was the new drug, not even around when I was doing A&E at raves eery weekend. We were not quite the hippies of the 60’s but the 90’s rave scene in Toronto was pretty wild. PLUR was the new feeling, and instead of alcohol or cocaine, nobody wanted to punch mme if I smiled the wrong way at your girlfriend. In fact, we were all smiling.
Peace, Love, unity, and Respect. A pretty cool backronymn for the time. On E we just wanted to dance, hug and touch the walls while somebody walked around letting us smell vis Vicks Vap-o-Rub nasel inhaler. Whoa
At first, my line of NO was coke. I’d done Acid and ecstasy, and some weed but no hard drugs, as we’d all say.Then when I’d done some coke, the new line was crack. No way man.
The propaganda was strong for crack and meth. We saw faces go from pretty to old in 5 photographs. The new drugs were addictive and evil and you might die on your first dose.
As I grew, I learned that used responsably, almost all the drugs I’ddone were far safer than cigarettes and alcohol. Its amazing how booze and cigs ages people.
As itturned out, I was happy with my ACid andE and occasioanl weed for a long time. The coke wasn’t for me. I got sick wih a cold almost every time I snorted and the high was pretty minimal. It was almost like the ritalin I was perscribed. Stiulants like that normalizeme more than the norm. I found I actually got bored on coke and crack.
I was 52 when I tried meth for the first time, shorly after a birthday. Again, I didn’t get the same euphoric high that is said to be the greatest… all I did was focus and finish work for the first time in 52 years.
Then I got a girlfriend in this new world of Second Life, which was for the first time tolerable. I stayed in Second Life for 3 days that October. I kept waiting for the side effects. They never came.
End of part 1. Need masterbation and position change. Computing in bed is killer for my back.
Esp[ecially when It’s already complaining.
That was fun. A pride point. I think it was even pretty normal… no scatterbrain all over te place zeppelins. Sativa Dabs instead 
of the super strong Indica.
Medication Gramma… Medication.
