Wow realization.

Lightbulb moment. The closer you get to death, the more your life may present itself to you for review. Tonight, just now it occurred to me I have been writing this entire thing as a suicide note, to be continued.…

Lightbulb moment.

The closer you get to death, the more your life may present itself to you for review.

Tonight, just now it occurred to me I have been writing this entire thing as a suicide note, to be continued.

I am lucky, because if I ever start to consider death as the end to my story. Why should I not have the right to not be … Stop.

My point was this is a pretty good example of …

What were we talking about?

See. I get redirected to happier thoughts. This is it’s own set of problems. I do. Not want to die or be dead at this time, but I have seen the imaginary scenarios.

All I need to do is share one good business idea to pay me 2000 a month for a long time and I can generate more. Give me somebody competent and willing to help…

And my brain throws all the bad stuff at me.

All I need is one fan willing to help… Crap. Trap.

 

Brain freeze. Mind fuck drama did not go down tonight but it could have.

Ding. I seriously believe the secret to

Stop. I don’t know how had I fucked up by believing that fantasy.

I bet I could write a book in second Life orvavreality show based on me trying to get laid.

Naaaaaw. Orange Jeff was almost a plays for a while. I don’t know how many thousands I paid for stuff and women while high on that universe but I will say it is helping me grow more than a golf club membership or just about any other serious hobby, provided you’re only making withdrawals when already on Molly.

Molly more than any drug is the one that gets me outside my bedroom.

I have no idea where I am, or where I’ve been walking. I now see how trust is not going to be easy but …

Bam. If my recent love affair catfish is a mixed lesson. However if it turned out to be my friend in the USA with a previous catfish story in our shared memories. Getting crushed emotionally, and laughed at for my awkwardnesd and annoying need to use people as overshare recipients fast.

I’m prime for crime.

Pause.

I think I should be saving who I am.

Sadly, too much to read after I’m dead. I won’t get to see any joy it may bring.

I can’t shut up narrating my life.

I had a two women date today with a stoner chick in SL and had as much fun as I did with the other. I’m worried it’s a trap. My story can too easily be told a totally different way if you don’t understand and believe my backstory.

Zink. Thinking had wiped me out.

That and the really strong indica in the pen.  For the first time in a while I was able to chill in a moment of … Whatever.

I’m going to regret all of it soon. Like tomorrow.

Luckily I’m lazy.

End happy. I’m enjoying this exhaguration and I fucking want to get fucked a few times and once in real life before I quit or die.

My breathing is not even. Hard outs. Not good. I do hypnosis and slow.

I really do hope I am able to function tomorrow and get away without the discussion or HIMYM intervention.

I’m going to drink and try a slow mind guided meditation

I love them so much I believe it would be a good business to create them and sell them to a market that may not know how awesome it can be high

I catch myself. Heavy breath.

Ahhhh. Not for a reason I thought. Because THC and arousal cause my nose to clog, I am literally pushing a smaller nose tunnel of air.

Away

 

End of part 1

Footnote. On the DMT and shroom drugs I have recently experienced, and K if I hit it right, I have seen how my universe works and relived my understanding at full speed.

This blog and my second year sex life have been so amazing I don’t

Ohvlook a zeppelin

Hypnodis distractions  was the plus.