I have a to do list that is huge and intimidating. I shouldn’t be writing social blogs.  I should ber working… but as has been the case in the ;past, I have taken … I have biotten off more than I can chew as people say. I said yes to things I should have not said yes to, in a mood of happiness and confidence… and the mood of depression is the one that has to do the work.

Sales Jeff is the one that gets to meet with the cliengts. He smiles and is happy and says YEs to things because that’s his job. TO get the signature on the contract, and let other people do the harde cwork. Unfortunatly, Sales Jeff and work Jeff are the same person except the work is done without the aid of people near me… Alone.  Depressed.

I have twio tasks to complete, both over a month overdue.  Perhaps 4 months overdue… perhaps a year. I’ve llost track of time. Both are proving more difficyult than I thought they’d be, and even more difficult than I thought they’d be after a buffer of assuming they’d be mroe difficult than I expected.

This may of couyrse be mnood related.  All too oftenh things that are hard are actually easy and completed ijn hours when concventration kis vgood and mod is high.  That’s a good mood, not a literal high mood.  I seldom work when high. I am constantly seen p[osting or statying that the task I’ve just comp;eted was easy, if not even a fun challenge as I finish it.  IT’s only when looking at it in front of me unfuinished that it seems like a mountain.

These two tasks are indeed mountains. I see no way they will “appear” easy when I finally start to get into the groiove and work on them.  For now, I just keep looking up at the mlountain thinkinhg; I can’t do that.  How can I possibly do that.

ANd so I decvide not to start, and go on to other things. Its what I do. Perhaps its what every procrasntinator does. Do the easy tasks with the promise you’l return to the harder ones later… over and over till you hate yourself and the harder ones are tioo hard… and then I dream of ways to run away.  Who can I pay? How can I get out of it?  Who will be upset?

That’s today… luckily, I have an onsite visit I have to attend to.

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