I am an outsider in a good world of sexuality. I feel like I’ve gone to another country and everyone speaks a language that I can’t interpret so I can’t ask for help and all I want is some crazy cheeseburger or hug. I don’t know why this has been heightened more recently but I really feel and it’s I’m about to head back to Toronto at some point very soon that it would be nice if I could finally figure out a way to become more comfortable which and asking.
I’ve tried so many things without success, and now my memory is filled with all the awkward failures of having a ready prostitute in my room or at a massage parlor or any of the other different various ways I have attempted to pretend to be cool enough to get hard in the presence of a woman, professional and/or amateur. The simplest of Acts this men and women enjoy without a second thought may never be within my reach. I tend to run at the first signs of that offer disappointment and even if it’s just in my head it’s a hard projection to overcome
That’s what I was thinking of sitting in the chicken coop watching the chickens eat, and browsing through a selection of local women offering themselves up. No magic exists in my head this would help me but even without a Genie’s assistance, the struggle between giving up and keeping the fantasy alive as a future possibility is a mental battle and I’m not sure it’s a good one to maintain
