Tonight’s live transcript may go in different directions. I can’t predict. I’m going to say right off that I am high on things you would not approve of.

–sorry, a pause created by me realizing I’m high and sitting at my work desk, so I opened up Second Life and recorders and such. It was a whirr of electronics and I even discovered a new feature in Second Life that explains why I was often hearing really strange sounds and audio clips and why they always played Canadian ads for me in Second Life.

I shut it all down again in an attempt to concentrate on the typing. I am forever writing and answering questions but I never really create a list.  Not quite a dream board with … well… I’m sure there is a dream board somewhere online.

What would I say…

Childhood Dream Job:

Writing for sketch comedy like 70’s variety shows and Saturday Night Live.

As an adult, I started to realize almost all the things I think I might like to do, I can pre-imagine hating. It’s such a shame that’s the way my brain works.

I am two mindsets. I have joy and creativity and imagination and I think I’m probably above average on some of those.

The problem is, everything I think passes through the negativity filter too. When I feel the internal joy of a fresh idea that might be #shareworthy I get a moment of excitement. The joy of perfection.

An idea has no flaws at its peak. When you first think of it, it’s perfect. When you share, even with that part of my brain that seems to derive its energy from crushing my joy. An inner review board that always has a way of thinking exactly the right thing to crush that dream.

It’s an instantaneous thing, that happens every day, at every new thought I conceive, or any decision I have to make.

Part 1.  Thought.

Part 2. Smile.

Part 3. I actually feel pride as an emotional tingling. I trained myself to feel those moments when you have an idea that is good.

part 4. My brain nearly yells at me from inside, at least one good reason the dream is a dud. That part of my brain has been doing it since before I was age 5. I read a fascinating bit about how at least one man believes a great deal of who we are is developed during the first 5 years of life. Our environment and care for the first five years may be what we’ve come to call common sense, instinct, and our core. These can be changed, but not without a great deal of struggle.

Many couples will say that the first five years of a child’s life may be their worst. Financials, multiple jobs… I can understand not everyone is like the TV families. It does fit in with my universe, so I have chosen to believe it.

“If I believe it, it is true. I am the author and librarian of my universe.”

ping. A pride point. A moment of joy. I like the idea of quotations. Famous people live on with quotes. I’m sad you have to be famous to be quoted… is what I used to say. Then Twitter arrived and everyone is being quoted and requoted and shared.

Cool.

side zeppelin

When I am blogging from my phone, I can’t easily hit a dash without going to look for where it might be, so I use …..

I wonder if I ever changed those to lines.

When I talk, I try to have some sort of smooth transition… umm.. no, I don’t really do I.  I try not to start new sentences with….aaaanyway….

In writing, I like the – line across the page.  I know them as <HR> but…

(looks at this… should I delete it?  )

See how hard it is to write down a childhood dream job list when you’re trying to type as you think.

I always wanted to be a sketch comedy writer. I had a skill for not having writer’s block because I always wrote from a first line. I wrote sketches as I write blogs.  One letter at a time.

Oh… do I like that?  In recovery, it is a common phrase to say; Takin’ it one day at a time.  I never really stopped to think if that was helpful or utter crap, but I did like it when I heard some other comedian say he much preferred the concept of one moment at a time.

YAY!

When I type yay in second life, my avatar over acts a wild cheer.  YAAAAY

(stops to capture a clip of that now)

No, keeps typing.  I have learned the secret to a life of now, is to do things in a straight line.  If you can do it NOW, do it now because you won’t be able to remember to do it later unless somebody reminds you, and you live alone.

So.. MY evening blog will evolve by me actually doing things as I think of them.

Insert video version.

—

OK.  I actually did get myself to do a YAY and the effort to get that short clip to this blog now is too much. It’s actually made me tired. I was, however, able to get the screen capture, and in hindsite, that’s really a better option for this anyway.

I think I will retire to the bed. It’s 9:49 and I designate tonight a sleep night… unless midnight comes round and I’m still awake.

Related posts:

I;m Orange Jeff, and this is an Orange Shirt STory Serious stuff now. Are you doing this for me, or yourself? Omg 10 seconds later