Tuesday concluded – almost

I’m not sure what time it was that I finally quit smoking all the meth I could find in the house but I’m pretty sure it’s around 5:00 p.m. I had hoped this would give me enough time to be…

I’m not sure what time it was that I finally quit smoking all the meth I could find in the house but I’m pretty sure it’s around 5:00 p.m. I had hoped this would give me enough time to be able to fall asleep tonight, but in the back of my head I thought that was a lot of men. It wouldn’t surprise me if I was up all night.

Around midnight after my weed and masturbation, I was still pretty much awake. At 1:00 a.m. I picked up the long and clean the last of the pipe that I had saved as an emergency backup in case the cravings were insane.

It probably wasn’t needed because I was still pretty up for me the morning but once it’s in your head it’s better to just do it than the threat from the rest of the night. So here I am coming up on 2:00 a.m. with the opinion that it will be hard to fall asleep.

But since it’s the last day, it’s fitting I stay awake the Tuesday blog need an ending. Although I suppose this will end up being the Wednesday morning blog as well. Who knows what can happen in between now and then. I may just lay in bed pretending to be asleep, which is a common practice for Matthews I think.

I may actually get up and work some more on the video project I have been focused on since about 5:00 p.m. My mind recently has been filled with possible ideas.

I flipped back and forth between the level of openness I share with the world about my drug use. I’m not so much concerned about being arrested as I am about being found out by people who will lose respect for me unfairly. Or fairly.

I’m 58 and I have found the drug community more welcoming than any other. If I was younger and maybe head gorgeous boobs, I could have made a career out of it. But that’s easy to say. To do it well is effort, and that’s not my strong suit.

End of part 4 or 5