I didn’t want to get yelled at so I made it worse.
I don’t have a lot of tasks to do, so I hate doing them poorly. Sometimes in my head, I’ll create a scenario where I will upset somebody and do I avoid the task. Giving them reasons to be upset more than the original scenario would have.
I did that twice today. I hermited in my bedroom and made people mad by not communicating or responding. It is very possible they didn’t even notice the initial thing that made me cower into my bed. It would have been fine.
I have yet to face either of them right now and for farmer Doug the mindset I have created is that he will either be frustrated and accepting as always, this adding to his internal mental boiling pot of resentment and pent up anger but day it’s ok… Or he won’t think twice about the whole thing because technical I didn’t do anything wrong. Or both.
As for the client I didn’t call back despite his 9 urgent messages, I care a little less. I’ve told him numerous times that is not how I communicate and how to work with me. He pays so little I don’t fully respect his urgent… But I’m still afraid when I do reach out, he will yell at me. I have imagined it enough that his real reaction is going to be less than I’ve already put myself through.
At some point soon I’ll call him and he will either have solved his problem already, or I will solve it in 3 minutes and would have done so yesterday if he’d sent me a text or it was a real emergency and I’ll have mixed feelings. In any of those three options, no money will be offered to me. I could really use some money today.
I have hardly eaten my usual low intake of food for two weeks and I’ve had no chocolate in over a week.