It occurs to me, that there will always be certain blog posts I should not be sharing.  Many of the ones I have online now should probably not have been seen.  I really should shut down anything older than a few months… or I guess this whole “bad thing” story started on my birthday… Oh… Two birthdays ago, because I lost, no… I was shunned by a wonderful family, and I have no ill feelings. It would be better to keep the bad story away from the family.  Now, and for the next 15 or 20 years.

[Part one was a video]

In any case, this month, as my usage, as of yet undetermined addiction to the bad thing has increased, as have some of the symptoms. I don’t want to admit it, but if I’m noticing symptoms while high, or after I’m high, it’s a sure bet others are too. I have to believe I am always moi… oh wait.

I am remembering what I look like when I live in a 10 x 15 bedroom 24/7 for 3 days with a bar fridge, bread, meet and candy. I was internally chuckling because if I ever feel a pain of any kind in my torso, the first thing I did would be to eat some pure sugar, in the form of Hershey’s kisses, or Tootsie rol fruit chews, which help my saliva.

I have lost a lot of weight, but because I was fat, people have not noti– nah, I can’t be sure they’re just not commenting.

I half expect a HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER friend intervention, and it could happen tomorrow at my dinner if I don’t look fresh.  Luckily, I can with another snort.  All my Saturady….

Oh right… if they’ve known all along.

Is that my paranoia, I can never be sure. I know my brain thinks up far more possible scenarios than the norm.

GOAL.
I’d like to make a blog and video blog a thing.  I’d like to have somebody…

PAUSE

My screens divide my attention as I work. Email on one side, this blog in the mddle and the Second Universe to the right, where my new friend who’d like more but is content with whatever attention I give her.  So familiar.

She says Hello.  IT is almost 11pm on a Monday and I didn’t sleep Sunday… but I did completely miss Saturday from FRiday at 8 till Sunday at 4pm.  I may be able to fall asleep soon, but I ….

I was about to retell the story of this new friendship.  Instead, I’ll screencap the last exchange.

i was joking btw my landing point where i come is is where i took the lm … i was just being cute like i was slipingin on u
[19:43] Frogstar42 Loup: Oh. Some people never TP into a place. They walk in and out and I respect that, but … well…
[19:44] Crystal Wickentower: then i wil change my landing point sorry
[19:44] Crystal Wickentower: let me go get a new one
[19:45] Frogstar42 Loup: It matters not to me. I hate that I have a downstairs and I plan to move to a single floor some time. Today I spent the whole day redoing my wardrobe. I used to have full outfits with everything, head body etc on every outfit.
[19:48] Crystal Wickentower: dear if it didnt matter to u u wouldnt have said u respected someone who walks in and out….. im not so damn backwards or ignorant that i cant take a hint…. yeah i dont know how much time ill keep spending in sl so i havent bothered with it i just put on whatever i fee like wearing unless im going somewhere special
[19:51] Frogstar42 Loup: AHA! But my wording is often misleading. I respect that the people who do, are dedicated to the game at a level I have no care to be. It would seem odd to me to walk in every time, and out while others are standing on my head.
[19:52] Crystal Wickentower: lol
[19:53] Frogstar42 Loup: I am a fan of less. Remember our struggle to be friends will stem from you wanting to please me with actions, and me feeling horrible you’re taking actions to please me. We are like yong and ye… Not the famous pair. hehehehe.
[19:53] Frogstar42 Loup: Sorry… I found this funny. IT may not be.
[19:53] Frogstar42 Loup: If not, I’m sorry.
[19:53] Crystal Wickentower: it was funny
[19:53] Crystal Wickentower: i chuckled at you
[19:54] Frogstar42 Loup: I need you to be you, not the you you think I want you to be.
[19:54] Frogstar42 Loup: And I’ll do my best to be Tony Danza.
[19:54] Crystal Wickentower: u know im a pleaser and u should never feel horrible about me choosing to do something
[19:54] Crystal Wickentower: trust me im being me
[19:55] Crystal Wickentower: but it is ur house and i will respect you and the tping in outside the door and walking in

I just want to be at a comfort level with anyone so that less than 50% of our conversations are about somethimng other than our conversations.  I have found that difficult with low self esteme people. Perhaps they’re jjust faster than me.  My reactions come 5 minutes or an hour after I’ve said NO and they walked away.

I started my own nick name once, and I’d like to think nobody knew.  I was “ask twice Jeff” because no maqtter what social event you’d ask me to join, I’d say No instantly.

Then I’d think about whether I wanted to go on my own time… after I’d safely said no.

Saying No is a system that works… if you don’t pay attention to what you miss.

Then at 53, you’re alone and ready to move on.

I bop to the non musical rhythm of Frisky radio online.

well, that and drugs.

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Look, an idea out of my left back pocket. Look, an idea out of my left back pocket. What do you want m to tell you. This one didn’t have a title. Welcome New Followers