I’m trying my best not till let this latest devastating news crushed my dreams forever. I feel like Sisyphus rolling the giant stone up the side of the mountain every day and having it roll back down was a lifestyle I had become accustomed to but in the past few weeks the stone felt lighter and I saw hope at the top of the mountain. I have been excited by a hobby that has kept me busy all day all week for quite some time. 

Today I learned it was all a waste of time and everything I did is useless and trash and I’m useless and trash and that side of my brain enjoys telling me that has been let loose. I don’t know if I will recover from this and try again or I’ll just move on to something else like I always have. I’ve certainly been here before when my optimism was proven wrong. So often in fact that I’m not even surprised. But it’s still a bummer.