The Return to Normal

General Blog Messages

I struggled a bit with that title. The word normal is one of the most misunderstood words we have created in English.  It refers to a state of mind,  or a state of anything I suppose…  But that state is…

The Return to Normal

I struggled a bit with that title. The word normal is one of the most misunderstood words we have created in English.  It refers to a state of mind,  or a state of anything I suppose…  But that state is defined internally as a point of balance between two extremes.

We like to cling to normal.  It is like the third porridge that goldilocks chooses.  The one that is not too hot and not to cold.  We seem content at normal.  It may not be happiness or bliss,  but it is also not scary or sad.

In my current life,  split into a repeating 7 day cycle created by man has a wide range of normality. I experiment with drugs on most weekends,  and then take a while to simmer down to room template again to find my normal…  And then I do it all over again.

Sometimes the experience is wonderful,  and sometimes it isn’t. Either way,  on Monday I start my work routine and the memories are either lost,  shared or written down. My story is educated and enhanced by the experiences either way.  I take away as much from a bad experience than I do from a good one.

This weekend was an especially jam packed weekend of new experiences.  My normal has been discarded with a new hope. I have once again chosen to live in a shared bubble universe.  I am no longer in control of my normal.  There is another person I have to adapt to.

Generally speaking,  I like this.  I would say,  I prefer it.  I tend to live a better life when I can interact,  and share my stories,  and talk instead of write. Live interaction gives you a feedback you can’t get alone. The ideas that are stupid will be debated instantly.  The feeling that everything I say or do is the right and perfect thing is no long valid.

All it takes to change your life,  is to find one fan.

I have a saying I’ve written over in over in my writing.

“I don’t want to be famous,.  I just want a few fans.

This weekend,  I discovered I already do.

I am happiest when I am with someone.  One person,  and we’re talking and I can visually see the reaction to my words in real time with the microexpressions or a smile.  I can feel it.

This new chapter of my life story started over Christmas 2016. The new companion room mate I have brought into my life is a challenge. She needs more help and attention than I do,  so we are simultaneously caring for the other,  and together it is a combination that might work out as growth for both of us.  With luck,  at a comparable speed that won’t send one of us out of sync into anger.   We need to make it work.

One of my “normal”  rituals is to get high over Christmas and not participate.  I don’t get together with friends and share a celebration.  I stay home,  and get high.

Although I should have probably not done it this weekend,  and spent the time and attention with her,  the truth is,  the change was blowing my mind and I needed a vacation. 

My drug experience this weekend was not only I’ll advised,  it was extreme.  I tried new drugs with unexpected results,  and my recover time was an extra day or two.  I have been weak,  sleepy and not eating.  I have dehydrated more than normal and I am not well yet.

—mind wanders… I felt like I want to stat typing a random letter on the keyboard to indicate my mind flowing through so many topic I can’t type them.  I have a lot of stress in having stress and stressing out my room mate.

I need to transition to my new normal,  once again living with a friend,  I must lose some luxuries and conform. It’s harder when “sick”.

End of part 1.

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