I’m not really a sexual person, and I’m a little upset about that. It hasn’t been that bad really. I only really started thinking about it since I started doing more drugs, and hanging out in Second Life. Pre 50…

The Porn Stories

I’m not really a sexual person, and I’m a little upset about that.

It hasn’t been that bad really. I only really started thinking about it since I started doing more drugs, and hanging out in Second Life. Pre 50 Jeff was still struggling with the negative voice within me that crushed my joy as quickly and as often as it could.

I had a — well, and unconfirmed realization is just a new thought. A scenario moment.  There was a pause there you can’t detect in writing, but … ding. I stop before I write anything self congradulatory or even remotely …

I still do not have the sincere belief that I am worthy of te friendships I have, because I have wracked up too many annoyance points.

My last few dates in the al…

no, lets start with my dating experience in RL, as we refer to it in SL.

I might be too high to stay on target but I remember a few highlights.

Went to the Keg, which I love – on a blind date.

I can’t remember if I love blind dates oir hate them. I think both. Fear the change, change, embrase the change.

but chanhe.

One had a Star Trek Tatto and was dressed somewhat like a croiss between homeless punk and Tank Girl.

ding… As I tell the story, a new realization reveals itself. Maybe she WAS Tank girl. This was before I really knew Cosplay.

 

Crap. I’m on webcam 24/7 still… People can watch me not answer their calls.

One took me to village idiot pub and Art Gallery of Ontario.

Next one showed me how to smoke weed from a pipe, and the cool dude that made the pipe. A whole new wolrd of — what one might have called hippies a generation earlier.

What weed smokers call “cool people”.

I lived with her for 5 years, until I wasn’t worthy anymore. Even if she wasn’t counting how many times I’d fail, and cause inconvenience or grief.

Too many frowns. and I could no longer be the one to mae her smile, so I reframed my life after Michjeal Landen’s Touched by an Angel idea, and moved out and tried cold turkey.

I was going to use the world divorsed, as I have in previous writings, but I suddenly pre-thought; THat could possibly be used against me in… oh. I wonder if it’s a seven year law… that we can ignore and it’ll go away.

I love the story of my life. I only wish I was a bit more famous so that other people might do my praise for me… but life doesn’t work like Mommy.

ding

majur breakthrough.

Mommy for me was probably a lot like young sheldon at times. More in the spectrum symptoms than the super smartedness.

ding. In in my head, I remember this story from…

Darn. Grammar made me lose the thought.  I th

 

OOOOOH!

 

I only think during NOW

That might be a stoner pride point. It’s kinda the best reason for weed. Ehanced pride points.

I was considering that poerhaps, others may too, be able to feel pride points or joy moments. In internal smile.

Enhanced greatly by MDMA of course.

-pause.

Interesting ponderance. Shit… Ideas are jumping back in like a slippery fish with the wriggling experience of three times through the excitement of catch and release.

ding. When I write a line like that, I stop and bash it a bit. I l….ding. Multiple personalities might stem from this idea that I have seperated my … ummm… Could Second Life be a multiple personality?  Orange Jeff kind of is. I dinged as I realized that I was about to say, I wish I could give them -ding- names instead of negatie voice abd positivevoice. I’ve evolved the imagery through pop culture andreligion. But more than positive second, it’s the second voice in me that always asks the what if inside.

When I’m in my. ding.

I will say it. I’d love to write a book  with someone.

First, I need a few fans.

A new univese is created with each new fan. One where you are one of the cool people, and we can share and hang out in a universe that is shared. Reality has a witness.

I like that.

When youre alone, reality has no witness.

If you believe it, it is so.

When you have a fan, the stories should match.

 

 

dingh.

Major side distraction.  Landlord could very easily find this. My Penis may have been visable. If I make profit, it might be porn.  This was never my intention and since I have kept my masterbation covered.

Is the webcam idea damaging enough to win over possible..

I stop, because it was about to get prideful.  I never realized how much I avoid taking credit or admitting I’m good. I belittle myself in the face of compliments. I not only don’t accept them well, I often turn them.

ding.

I was mean. I think maybe, often.

I think my humour was smart, and .

WHoosh. A flash flood of other thoughts clearing them all out in 38 seconds like the flash flood ride at Universal Studios tour. I don’t knoiw if it was … thinking of words for destroyed. Decomishoned perhaps.

Typing that stream of thought actually helped me focus  If I had stopped typing the time I needed to think of another word, I might have been distracted – like I now am.

Health.

Not it. My body gave out this week.

I was supposed to. ding. The new Jeff.  The Jeff that is OK with not being perfect because I obviously never will, and I am so annoying that people give up on me after a while. Of course the truth is I give up because my guilt for non existent failures you didn’t percive grows.

By the way, …. I typed by the way, and paused wondering if it was an image making phrase. Is it old fashiooned? Liken  by the b used to be. Then I forgot the story.

Imagine the millions of dollars earned and / o wasted if every stoner shession, fuck, sesion. new reality show. stoners in room with whatever… thwy come up with typical stoner ideas but behind the glass, business and marketing teams and video production teams ready to actuall consider and if possible, actually do some of them.

ding ding.

 

Just now I realized hillbilly is not the look I’m going for.

I’ll get it all shaved soon… or that is the plan.

book name?  Or at least thats the plan, or at least that was the plan.

by the way , date, I reeeeeeeeemmmm pause.  the date story ended.  Third date was with the woman who contacted me back.  She was a fan.

I hardly left her side for a year.

pause. watch the vid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

alt fs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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