A previously secret collection of over a decade of journals and blogs from the mind of Orange Jeff telling the honest stories of my mental illness, brain chemistry and the rest of my universe. My struggle to be a real boy, always comparing myself to what I thought was normal. This blog has secrets. Explanations and a lot of apologies, but no regrets.
The first apology/explanation is about the format of releasing the posts in their first draft form. A great many posts are uncorrected and loaded with typos or misspellings that were typed at top speeds without taking the time to stop, review and edit. It’s a process more than an excuse. Sincerely. I tend to write at the speed of my thoughts in one continuous stream. This can be as fast as I can make it, but it has to remain in an undistracted groove.
It doesn’t always work, as my blogs tend to wander around topics leaving cliffhangers and unfinished stories everywhere.
You might not like it. Not all of them are like that.
This blog was written when I was high. Yes. That is my first disclosure. The Orange Shirt Blogs have been secret for decades. Almost all of them are written after a toke of weed or three. More recently, a few stronger strains of Indica shatter in a dab. Concentrated. Like a tide pod only less harmful and a lot less orange.
If you know Jeff, some of these writings will come as a shock. It will possibly change your view of me, and I can’t predict whether that is positive or negative, but there are quite a few dark secrets told within that contradict the public image he believes I still have with most people.
A second warning. The high articles, sometimes attributed to a character OrangeJeff is not just a weed smoker. As you search your mind for references or other friends who might be drug users, it should be said clearly that Jeff is an addict, and has experimented to some degree with pretty much all the drugs, except prescription drugs.
Please respect that although this is a public blog, I have not shared it directly with people in my life that may still be on the unaware side of these stories. I’ve experienced one family shaming already, and learned from it and moved on.
I am not ashamed of my life. I do not have regrets. I try to not play with what if’s beyond yesterday. I have chosen to live as carefree and happy life as I can, examining my self and creating a story of my universe I hope one day will be shared and praised. This blog is a practice run and a stall. I am a terrified man, living with the mind that hasn’t aged since I was 27.
These blog entries are my struggles and my joy.
The first share is a big deal to me. I hope that even if you hate the style, all I ask is that comments and criticisms be either polite or well worded. But if not, it is one of my other joys to make fun of the ignorant, so that defence mechanism might come to life.
I have no idea what will happen when people see this. It’s pretty much why I don’t tell them it exists.