It should come as no surpri– I stop myself, because that is starting off on the negative assumption that I would fail. I did fail, but I should not have assumed it before the fact, because that kind of thinkiing is what allows failures to seem less severe.
Past performance does not guarantee future results.
I think, for the most part, I always started each new idea with the optomism that this would be the one. Today would be the day, Lucy won’t just pull the football away at the last second.
Once I have a realization moment, a lot of my memories are reshuffled to fit the new belief. Through the course of starting to date somebody new in the Second Life universe, a few of my flaws were pointed out to me. Some, by my role play partner, and other noticed by me through the course of a few evenings. Dating is flexing new mental and verbal muscles for me, and I’ve been continuoulsy evolving to be a better me.
This coupeling came with a new community and life style living in a Suburb sub divsion with a big home that looks like we won one of those cancer lotteries that are more than $100 a ticket. For the two of us, it was a virtually free home because my girlfriend already owned it. I suppose in many ways, many peole dream of owning a big home like that. The kind they build on your street when the 96 year old lady with lots of cats dies and they just buldoze her house. Some coimmunities have bi-laws for replacing old era homes of 1500 sqf with monster 3600+ mini mansions.
In Storybook it fit in. When a house can cost as little as $4, people tend to buy big.
I started noticing my errors and awkwards with much greater attention, primarily because I am over sensative to frustration and/or dissapointment, so I notice any hint of irritation or disturbance.
I started to think back, and the lightbulb moment turned into a marque as I just now, at this late age realized I make little mistakes and clumbsy problems for myself because I’m on;y paying attention to now.
I’m driving my life from the hood orniment rather than behind the wheel.
I don;’t even let peole finish their sentence before I’m out the door . I on’t think to the future, and do it right. I do it now, because I can.
And then I fail, or break something, or electicute myself because I didn’t wait the extra 35 seconds for the tutoril.
I’ll read the manual after it’s connected and working.
In a short two week romance, I noticed it happening a lot. I also noticed I do things the hard way, I’d been told that before during some example where I choose to do things the way I have been doing it, even if I know its crazy and 35 seconds might mean I learn the less hard way – or the easy way.
I am moving forward in time at the speed of now, and I don’t have time to stop and wait for the translation.
In one hour in Second Life, I asked a few questions and miraculously solved a few problems I’d been curing at for 8 years.
A bell goes off inside my head now. When I detect I’m doing something tyhe hard way, I stop and see if I can find the easy way. It’s been amazing.
I had hoped my new partrnership would have been the one. The partner to solve all my problems and allow me to live a storybook life, happily ever after. My newly aquired self confidence is even strionger in the universe of Second Life.
But for all my charm, good looks and confidence in that world, I’m still me for the most part, and I don’t look back. Stopping for directions istoo risky for me. I might ask where the nearest bank machine of a stranger, and totally forget I was supposed to buy Gouda cheese for the reception on TYhursday.
Somebody has a party almost every night in Storybook falls. Especially during the Orange Month.
That’s why I like Mondays. Our society has come to think of January 1st as the fresh new start. The day when some people voice their goals and things they’d like to change.
I started making my big changes on my birthday so I get more attention than I would lost in the resolution frenzy. Plus, it has a bad reputation of failure, so much so that it’s become part of the ritual. How many days did you stay on the diet, or stop smoking? January 9th… Oh, a new record.
For me, having a regroup every year isn’t enough. Monday is my favourtite day because it’s the Fresh start. Happy new week.
This week… I have some life changes planned. I’ve got 5 days to not fail… but if I don’t get it done, the score resets and starts new on Monday. 5 more days.