My relationship with my daily drug has gone up and down over the last decade but somehow it seems different this last batch. I’ve discovered the feeling of the high part of my usage a little better. A slightly improved way of inhaling and a dosage that seems more intense. More regular usage also has me feeling more effects with the inhale than I have for a while.
The other side of feeling more effects daily is the the bad part. I don’t do much feel a craving or any urgency to smoking more, but I have started to notice physical effects closer to the symptoms described online in research. The kind of dude effects I hadn’t experienced in my years of use.
I have met many users of meth over the years and all of them seem to be perfectly normal functioning people not suffering from many of the side effects you read about. Granted I haven’t had a lot of experience with these people over long periods of time but nobody really seemed to be as advertised.
I had begun to think that all of the side effects I was warned about might be propaganda in much the same way that people in the ’60s and ’70s were warned about marijuana with films like reefer madness. All of which turned out to be lies. It was easier to believe It was propaganda simply based on the numbers and personal experience combined with how often we’ve gotten used to the government lying to us anyway.
So I was a little bit surprised when I started experiencing some of the symptoms described for my meth use. My tolerance level is quite high understandably since I’m using about an ounce a month. My typical dose time it’s between two and three hours. A dramatic change over the 24-hour. That used to keep me high in the beginning.
Now I find that if I let 3 hours pass I begin to develop itches. Primarily around my ankles at night or my waistline just above the belt. Occasionally in other places but not as often. The itch can be distracting enough and hard to avoid that I end up redosing for it to go away.
This has me concerned that if I did decide to take a break when I run out of this current batch and see if I can go a few days or weeks without. I usually go through this mental debate towards the end of every batch sometimes because I won’t be able to afford the next batch and sometimes just because. I have gone three and a half ounces consistently over the past 4 months without a break and now it seems my body is making assumptions based on my chemical makeup and telling me quite clearly that it doesn’t like being without.
In the past I have blogged that most of the problems that people relate to meth use like crime and violence are not actually the fault of the drug but they appear when people don’t have the drug and are needing. Nobody robs when they have a supply. The crime happens when they don’t and can’t afford to rebuy.
I’m not sure I want to see that in action by denying my body just to prove a point. The last two times I have run out and started using rations and dirty pipes I never actually went a full day without before finding a way to visit my dealer without committing crime. I can’t imagine the itching getting that bad but I also don’t know how I would react if it did.
I’m not a criminal person. In the ADHD world they would call me Injustice sensitive. It disturbs me to do anything wrong with the possible exception of speeding on the highway and of course, doing drugs. My only two crimes.
The last big chunk I had broke in to smaller pieces just now and as I looked at it I realized the end isn’t far away. Perhaps a week that I can stretch to 2 weeks if I’m lucky. This particular recipe doesn’t leave the pipes as dirty as some of the previous ones so that cuts back on the time that I can ration and scrounge before having to buy again.
For something that I’ve been doing for almost 10 years or more than 10 years with a few rest. In between it continuously surprises me and changes. One would expect it to be more consistent. Always interesting.
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