There was a moment today when my mood was good that I thought it would be a good idea to blog about the good things of the day. The good things on my current life.

That mood passed with other distractions and I don’t really remember what I wanted to commit to the journal but the idea what’s still valid. My life does contain good things each day. I used to call them pride points or pleasure points but now everyone’s calling it dopamine hits. Feel good moments caused by something or someone. 

My brain isn’t used to people being like this. Both my sister and her husband are non-confrontational and easygoing and I suppose quite forgiving. They’re an interesting couple because they compliment each other’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s hard for me not to be suspicious and the expression waiting for the other shoe to drop would be a good example here. There is an anticipation of it all going away spontaneously one day. At any given moment. 

It is difficult for me to conceive a scenario where it won’t. 

Next month is my 1-year anniversary living here and the time has gone by very quickly. There has been almost no reason to be stressed with the exception of my brain creating fictional reasons. 

I’ve always had difficulty imagining other people that think about life in similar ways to me. I’m not sure why it is that I can’t comprehend other people being as understanding and forgiving and just easygoing about everything. I don’t expect people to accept me the way that I am and I strongly suspect that my unconscious brain tests that. Like a child pushing the limits of their parent to see what they can get away with. 

I’m not so much seeing what I can get away with as I am just being me, and expecting to get in trouble for it. It is absolutely shocking to me that I am not. I can’t wrap my head around the level of acceptance and independence I have been given in this living situation compared to previous ones. 

But in truth, I’ve always been pretty much left alone to be me. In both situations where I was the main tenant or the border, nobody’s really giving me a real problem about my lifestyle as a slob with low personal hygiene boundaries. 

It’s weird and I’ve decided I don’t want to think more about that right now. It’s a good thing. I shouldn’t be worrying about it ending. I suspect my mind is going to be up and down more than usual over the next week. 

End of part 1. A good Saturday.