I talk about my routine not really being a routine. I even wrote a song about it. There are things I do each day, but never quite in the same order. I don’t know if neurotypical people just wake up and follow the same order each day but for me, the choices are vast and unpredictable.

They do usually hit all the marks, although I often forget individual tasks. I leave the house to feed the chickens without my glasses or gloves or jacket with frequency but for the most part, the important things get done. If I remember things late, I almost never go back.iove on with the next chore and worry about it later.

One part I don’t miss is the intake of my meth. I might forget my Paxil, and often do, but my intake of meth is always a significant part of the morning. If I forget it, I may not get out of bed at all. For a couple of weeks now, I have had to endure a bad recipie of the drug that usually makes my day start off with a positive spin. 

It’s actually horrid. The drug has been cheaply made with some ingredient that changes it significantly and gives it an awful taste and bad smell. I have complains and assured it will be replaced but I keep using it every morning until transportation into the city can be arranged. I’ve been snorting it and boofing it and trying to smoke the absolute minimum but smoking is so much easier and the relief is felt more instantly. This morning, I smoked from a clean pipe and the tech mouth feeling was just as bad. Realizing I had no sweet chocolate chaser to cleanse my palette, I am forced to live with this taste until I can find something else to replace the lingering bad taste. Snorting would be just as harsh without the chocolate flavour to sooth me.

I still use it though. The momentary suffering I whine about still delivers the meth and not having it I have decided is worse. Worse enough to not go a day without. I admit this is a part of my routine freely. I still consider this drugs net positive in much the same way a cigarette smoker will tell you, we will use until the universe shows us why we should not. I’ve been lucky so far, so if and when the side effect curse Spears, I will say it was worth the good years for whatever bad the future may hold. Today, that future is still on the other side of my wall of tomorrow.