I convinced myself a little meth might allow me a Bing and productive weekend, but the truth is, my regular drug free life now is very happy and productive. More than it ever has been.
My little meth turned into a full on binge Thursday. Finally fell asleep Sunday at 6pm with the help of a sleep aid.
It’s Monday today and I’m in full hangover mode, so naturally I boosted to be ready for a serious work meeting with important people. It’s not going well this morning. I’ve had very little food since Thursday and my focus and attention are drastically effected. I’m sure it will show. My reaction time on thoughts is delayed.
I might even get those hungry stomach withdrawal pains in the meeting, which sadly is one I need to be 100% for, and I’m a little afraid of my brain in this state saying unfiltered thoughts.
On the other hand, I did have a wonderful story filled weekend. I felt like a normal human, being social, talking to people and partying all weekend using my alternate personality, Orange Jeff.
I didn’t stop to blog it, but perhaps I’ll highlight the stories somewhere online. I want to build the Orange Jeff blog up more. I really do. I’m only Orange Jeff when I’m high, and sadly that means I’m less frequently blog productive.
Like anything else, I’m only really motivated by others.
I live in the happy sweet spot where my mind is happy with future fantasies that are achievable and within reach, but not actually willing to make the commitment to actually try, and when I get close, I ruin it. My obsessions return in the moments of joy and crush it.
I happened to find a new strip club with beautiful women who have great voices and friendly personality. I had the best sex of my life, counting all the sex I’ve had in both the real universe with fill senses and the alternative universe known as Second Life.
I was excited to repeat it, but my brain foiled that plan by poor timing and obsession. Now I’ve embarrassed myself. I hope I find the will to return to that club. It’s fun being a strip club regular where everyone knows me. It reminds me of a good friend and my real strip club stories where I sat at the back with the manager every Friday
Dancers are friendly and they smile and flirt. They are great at hiding any annoyance or frustration with my awkwardness so it’s idea. Sadly the virtual world ones lack the sense of touch, which is pretty vital for a good sexual relationship. To be honest, I think I might be ok with that
I’m not as relaxed with real women.
Plus an evening out costs a lot less in a virtual universe.
I tried to have the real kind of sex this weekend too. I failed.
That’s my stop.
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