I have discovered once again that more isn’t always worth it. For me at least, sometimes I need a higher than average dose, but it is also true that less weed can be just as good for a sufficient high to get my typing or talking to myself, via these blogs.

I will admit here now, under the influence of two quarter size bong hits using the teeny loose leafs from raw homegrown.

They were strays without pedigree but tonight, without the influence of the other thing in doses greater than needed. For much of January, I was smoking a discussing thick white smoke that layers instantly on to the sides of a pipe or a bong. A drug that works well in a tiny morning dose.

But I always do more and more because the first hit feels different. My thoughts slow and come at me one at a time in queue rather than all at once.

Nerd version. Changed brain activity from parallel to serial.

In human terms, I could remain focused on anything remotely interesting for more than 5 minutes or 3 hours.

In personal terms, the right dose made me a more normally functioning, single task brain . Person.

It is however easy to abuse because you feel confident in your instant gratification lifestyle

Choices were no longer the biggest stress in my life, so every desision seemed the right choice. Keep this gift giving.

I’m smart enough to realize what this all means, bit wording about health has never been a priority. For some reason I may never understand, I never expected or planned to live this long.

That concept may be hard to comprehend unless you’ve been depressed. I hear a lot of people expressing the expectation of a shirt life

I suppose it’s overwhelming to plan for the day you can no longer afford rent… Loans… Insurance… Lunch…

In my life, I was forced to give up all my luxuries every few years. Each time I downgraded life came with a new home and new people to become my new chapter of my life story.

My first big loss was $2000 a month contract with one month notice.

It went down from there with new customers not matching the numbers that were leaving or died because they were seniors that I’ve been personally serving for 25 years

Each change downward meant I stopped paying for things and they’d eventually go away.

In 2022, I am at the third level of rock bottom bit I can go lower still. I do my best to be more useful than I am annoying to my next home-made. I lived in other people’s lives.

I was a roommate and a border with people I knew for each stage. I did nothing but accept and adapt. I changed my story each time

This is my life now. Chapter 6. This is me now and let’s make good stories moving forward.

I ride the current without oars. Make no decisions I can ignore. Accept and adapt

Learn. Change. Be better

My goal is to i.press peoe enough to be praised by people and because none of you are my parents, it will probably never be quite enough

Luckily when I’m not high on week like tonight, I won’t remember or care about that. Being better requires decisions and choosing wrong is bad feeling. I avoid it because I can.

On weed, I get the same effect bit with a high that makes me want to share.

I ramble at the exact speed I can type internally saying each word at the speed of my index finger

… Just like the way I learned to type very quickly using my two index fingers, I also learned the phone keyboard the same way instead of with my thumbs I see the first generation using. I make a lot of typos because of the size suspect but I can’t get into the thumb thing.

..

It’s 1:30 a.m. and it is super hot in my room I might have the picture of how hot it is 34.5 Celsius I think. That has even more of an effect when you realize the house itself is covered in about 15 to 20 cm of snow. It’s the February Southern Ontario snow dump.

When I was in that cloud of usage, I really didn’t write much. I had found the dosage that passed the productive phase into the apathetic zombie that would prefer to just lie in bed and think, or watch less mindless television. I wish I didn’t like that mode because of those less worked quite well for my productivity.

But that’s coming from a user that just finished admitting he likes the feeling of having the ability to make decisions and as a bonus think that everything you do is the right thing. That in itself is tight and reason to stay in that cloud for as long as possible.

I try to binge less than a month and stay clean for at least a month or preferably more. That’s the goal but it doesn’t happen very often. I have approached the phase of usage where denial and willpower battle.

My first wave of tiredness hit well speaking that last paragraph into the text translator. Voice to text I mean

So now my brain says okay we’ve got a big backlog of all the negative thoughts we filtered out when you were coming so stand back and listen to your brain explain why you’re an idiot and none of your ideas are share worthy. #sharewortjy #pridewirthy

…

I wish we could at least talk about the idea of requesting use of the word pride for mental health and come up with a similar word that does t steal the thoughts away from the entire concept of sexuality pride

Perhaps over a few decades.

I think our culture needs to show pride too.

I believe everyone could benefit if we generalized pride as everything. Pride is easier to create with the right teachings.

I know it’s a sin but it’s the best first step to extend and confidence

Sometimes all it takes to change your story is a fan. The first one should be yourself.

Error. The brain is now filtering multiple thread of thought at once again and I resume forgetting one task for whatever cat he’s my eye, nose or ears.

…

I have been blogging from my phone for a while. I have used several methods over the years I. Am currently using the Jetpack app.

I mentioned that simply because it keeps the name of the blog at the top of the screen while I’m writing. When I’m high and forgetful it is essential that I can look at the title when I forget what I was talking about. I have done that several times in this blog.

In any case it is not to him it is now 2:00 a.m. and I will make an attempt to fall asleep. Clearly it can go either way. No, it can go only one way but eventually the decision to be asleep will have happened. The more I think about it the farther away it is.

It’s all I can think about

So here my first the end. End of part 1

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