Sooo many thoughts

Tonighte was a joy of thought, with the only sadness being I couldn’t share it all, it was happening so fast. I had tried shrooms on molly for the first time, certainly in a sutuation like this, with my cuirent mad scientist brain. The side effect they triggerd was a super active mind where everything was a trigger to amazing memories and I was looping fists for ideas. Like making a word to decribe a whole thought process of realiation that followed each idea like an echo.

Idea
Pleasurepoint. Pridepoint
A loop about how cool it is that I can feel this.
A loop ofthought about how it’s fun to recognize the joy of —
ten thousand thoughts I can call apon like sing;e keys on a soundboard. Press S and it makes a whitle.

Thought loops are visuable and somewhat– almost on the vere wheer been there done that becaomes an annoyance.

So I fist it and realize everything is awesome.

TRigger. The lego movie soundtrck, which for a whil…

And there it is. The moment of realization and pleasure at a… and there it is, the loop of realization that triggers all the memories of having said thus before.

but it’s been a source of pride that I write ths way, and I started to exoplain it to her this evening, and as usual – kept avoiding…

There it is. Lightbulb.

The realization… darn. Lost it. It’s fuzzy. I know if I try it’ll poof away.

So many tgoughts.

The universe betwen two words.

Back to basics.

I enjoy writing when I’m high.
I break through the obsticles my brain oputs there.
Guilt.
Is she happy.
Did she want moree.
IS the sopund of my toping loud enough to be heard down the hal. Will it keepo her awake.

It’s a fist I can count as one, and move on. I like to write.
Please don’t take…

I was decribing this to her tonight.  How much I am enjoying the style of writing that fklows at the spee…. and instead of just ignoringtyhe things that chang… thoughts of the Ferrengi Stream of Comerce episode in Deep Space nine, and then  hearing my roommate’s voice teling me this is nothing like that.

I think Of the new US Dirk Gently which took… side thought of How Total Recall was a good movie. I just wish they’d called it something new and not made us choose.

Where was I?

So many thoughts.

So I’m enkoying the idea of lkive sgtreaming my one flow of thought wherever it takes me… A point where …. I pause and have to choose what to type next, and now all I can thinking about is the leters on the…

remembering my DMT trip and how clear the leters on the keys were, and then that moment where they were all freign characters I…

And I remember I left that story in the middle when I was telling it…

I feel some guilt. I had thoughts mid sentence, and my brain was done, but I had to finsih the thought for the sake of not being impssi…. pause… do I correct, no. Do I look upo, no. Do I apllog… fuck it, the whio… webcams. I remember I used to have to…justify… no, fuck the side story, I want to remember this one.   Memories of my webcams through the years and how many people I know because iof it.

..
pause…
Back to thinkng of gtyping, and tring to remember if I am lea…

She was going to read a blog post to me tonight. ALthough I couldn’t focus on the reading, the idea that people actyalkly read and enjoy blogs gave me hope.

I could have a follower or m,aybe a few even that Enjoyed my writing.

They put up with this Robin Wiliams style non sequiter stream of now and want more.

Mind floods with success again. I need somebody to hold the fire house. I need a robin… or perhaps an Alffred.

I need an agnet like on TV. A manager.

My brain is the tpe that could have been so much more, if I had the smart worker at the desk outside my pffice doing all the reality of my salesman personality and … I hate self praise. I feel prideful but am always humble about expressing my pride.

Apparently someblody wriote pride as one of the sins. Maybe they meant the gay pride.  Who knows what that wing belives.

CTRL-ALT-DEL

No, a bad reference.  Reboot.

Thoughts of that blue characetr from TV that I pretend to have watched and love and miss.  Not my universe as I say.

But ..

HAve you trued turning it off and on again… one of the great lines and concepts in pop culture. IT’s replaced the old apple joke of dropping things to make them work.
It’s tryue.  The first qiestiin everyome asks in support is, fist. I wish th… Oh.  Emojis are a single character that tells a story we all kind of agree on.  An apple wink is different than an android wink, but we all agree on some emojis.

My favourite “tu… is it worth… yes… I go where my brain takes me.  There was a web TV series where they’d call a remoot a banana… there. I don’t remember much morem, and now realize it wasn’t relivant, so … where was I.?

Yes  A British TV sho called The IT crew or something my assistant will fact check later in my fantasy reality.

The IT CRowd?  Hmm… I’m wating the point.

One csne I loved was the guiy who runs the tech department is ttting at his desk.

The phone rings.
It riungs 3 times and the IT support guiy doesn’t flinch./  Then we hear a click, and the huge wheels of a reel to reel tape recorder clicks.

Hello IT Department, ahev you tried turning it off and on again?”

An automated fist answers his calls and screens 90% of them.

—

Truth. I hav to battle with this struggle when peoplem call me for support?  DO I teach them how to use Windows Restore, or do I come to there house and do it for $50.

I choose to visit because interaction creates a story and a memory and happiness.  Even if I just turn the machine off and on again, I place a bvalue on my interaction at $50.

I know others without a heart may charge $175 and never ask about that painting on their wall.

I wrote another blog called the gift of a story, but it’s really a bigger gift to give someone the opportunity to tell a good story, and share the happiness.  I always ask for the story behind things in a compliment.

Not becaus it’s a trick to gain trust, but because it really is a joy to share a story.

You have art on the wall because it pleases you. Most art has a story.

—

pause.  Should I try sleep again? 

So many storiies.

I started telling so many, and then to stream moved on.
I remember the first time – the origin story of me realizing that conversation has a weird flow, and how you could go from one thing to dinasaurs so fast.

Danasaurs.

Who talks about Dinasaurs.  Apparent I do.

In the middle of a discussion on whatever else.

I only remember the zeppelin.

so many thoughts.

I fear I lost her a few times tonigt. MY usual high rituals are diffeent when a woman I like is in front of me.

My need to keepher smiling faded as the shrooms kicked in and th weed made me tired,

I knew I’d be up for hours, but the effort opf interacting and keeping us both in smiles was hrder.

I needed to do that thing In always do, where I pretend this is it. I turn off the lights and shut off the phone and say, that’s it folks. Goodnight.

And then 7 minutes later I turn the lights on and watch TMZ or go to the Bishes club in my Second Life alternate reality where Just Jeff becomes Orange Jeff and …

I remember Fun Bobby episode of friends.  IT turned out Fuin Bobby was an alcoholic and shunned. Fun bobby without Booze was Biobby, and we never heard about him again.

… thought of my origin story and the Bob Newhart show, and is receptionist who later became one of the Simspons characters… Carol I think her name was. 

I want to break. 

To many thoughts.

1:40am in a foreign bed without my rituals, but maybe THIS time, sleep will come without me turning the lights  ack on again and blogging.

En..

Not yet.  I want to tell one last story. The story of why I am writing this on my tablet into Google Keep instead of… awww… fist it.

She can’tr acess my blog and that means neither can I.

lets try sleep for 7 minutes.

end of part 1

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