Silence, then

Silence. Did you hear that? Who? You. Did you hear that? What? Maybe it was just me. You didn’t hear that? What? There was silence, and then, suddenly, there wasn’t. Wasn’t what? Exactly. I don’t know what you’re saying. It’s…

Silence.

Did you hear that?

Who?

You. Did you hear that?

What?

Maybe it was just me.

You didn’t hear that?

What?

There was silence, and then, suddenly, there wasn’t.

Wasn’t what?

Exactly.

I don’t know what you’re saying.

It’s Ok. You don’t exist.

Silence.

There it is again.

What?

That thing that breaks the silence. That’s never happened before.

Did it happen again, or are you just remembering it?

I don’t know. I only know there is silence and there is not silence.

An event has happened.

in the middle of nothing, anything is noticable, but not definable.

Did it make a sound?

How would I know? I only know that once I was nothing, and then, I noticed.

Noticed what?

Exactly.

I noticed this existance had changed. There eerged a point, and suddenly there was a before and after. A peak. Two sides.

A split. Time had begun.

It could have been anything. Anything that — in some way, was different than the instant before. Existance began.

When?  I have no reference. I only know there was nothing, and then I noticed nothing had somehow become noticable. It was different. I can’t remember what was, only that it was not this.

I learned to froget it and the silence returned.

Till it happened again, and then I kneew.

I knew the first one wasn’t in my head. It had happened.  Now there were three.

a split. Now, and before, and before before.

I could remember the time in between that was confusing. The moment where I was unsure, but sure. Something had changed but I did not know what. Now that it happened again, I had one complete unit of time, with a startand en end.

Silence returns, except this time, with anticipation. It is a different silence, no longer content to exist, but curious. I feel time pass as a new existance. I wonder, will it happeb ahain, will I notice a change, and cut off another portion. This next change will help me define time.

Will it be a longer wait between moments than the first one was. I have no scale to understad how long I was in silence. I have no scale to tell me how long I was in silence after the change, but I do seem to know this seems longer. I anticipate.

This stiory builds in your imagination as you read it, but if I define a setting first, it may unfold in different ways. Starting in a lightless space with no gravitational position, silence and time are infinite. Without change, thereis no concievable difference between an instant and an eterinity.

The first instance of change began a universe of it’sown, and growth was exponential and fast – or slow. There is no scale. To the universe, a moment is defined only by it;s end. ONly by a noticable difference.

If you imagine this story with a sound being the change, and a second sound, you can imagine th explosion of awareness one way. If you imagined it with a light, the story takes another path.

Dimensions of width and depth and time are learned as more elements present.

Silence.

Ping.

Did you hear that?

The universe pinged.  It’s never done that before. It has split. There is a universe that does not have a ping, and it ended and a universe that began with a ping. Both go on forever in oposite directions.

When the second ping is heard, your universe is redefined.  My universe is now one with pings. Or at least two. Moments are that time between pings.

If my existance has no memory, then I live in the now, and my universe is either silent, or a ping. However, if my existance has no memory, it can not determine the difference between silence and a ping. It merely is.

My existance only detects a ping when it can compare NOW to then.

A split.

– – – – – – i – – – – –

In the line above, each character is it’s own universe. It knows it is. If it is not aware of the characters on either side of itself, then it does not know change.

When the universe first splits into two, it can detect change.

SAME or DIFFERENT

A memory of 1 can only detect a change.

The moment we add a second ping, splitting 2 to 3 opens up a new dimension. We can now detect change from ourself, but also the concept of greater or less is introduced.

Compare.

Change takes on a plus or minus level.

silence, ping… is this new ping louder or quieter, higher pitch, or lower pitch

The concept is slow, or fast. That second ping is different, but the third ping defines a fourth dimension. Suddenly our single file non existant silence can

can

the universe is created.

Range is assumed. Between two pings is an infinity of slices.

Loudness, pitch, tempo, key,

one ping does not know of melody.

One note does not know of tempo

two notes do not comprehend a beat.

But two notes define ends, and an infinity of choice between.

Humans can hear a line segment of tone. A range between twop pings of audible vibration.

Dogs are on teir own scale, with their start and end points differening.

Infinity exists beyond both ends, but we have not defined them until a new ping appears.

Things in our universe do not exist, until we discover them. Silence has no measure until we drop pings.

Our awareness is a pushpin in creation at either end. Our universe exists within those pings until a new landmark outside is established and a new range appears… on either end. Smaller halfed or bigger, doubled.

My universe is as big as the fence on my mind’s farm.

My fence always rests at the borders of my NOW. the pings I can see, hear and touch at any given moment of my existance.

We are all line segment universes within the one.

[———-] <- me.

My now can look both ways. I see my past in stories I save to my library, and I see what is to come, and relate how I will react based on the stories I have experienced.

If I see a new, my universe expands. I assimilate. resistance is futile.

Everything before me is either new, or not new. EIther the same or different, and as I grow, my SAME library grows and the amount of different lessens.

Some people define their universe early, and live within it, not looking for new. They keep change on the other side of the fence. They play music with their SAME notes and read books wit their SAME words. They don’t move their fences to accept the new landmarks.

Others are always walking on theoutside of their universe, adventuring into new with every step forard.

Saying Hello to other people, touching, smelling, listening. Theur universe expands daily and the range of notes thay can chose from is vast.


ping

My excitement for this writing has peaked. I pause just for a moment of thought, and the negative voice stands and skims.

“I have not read this writing, but I can predict that it isn’t as great as my positive voice believes. I feelit’s confidence and pride but I fear this is not genious. This is not the greatest piece of written literature since the begining of time.

In my head, I cvan imagine the visuals to make my point, but I fear the writing isn’t saying it well. Iimagine the ideas of self awareness and discovery being a thing. A unified theory, and my brain sparks with a visual memory of me standing in front of a rowd of peers and parrents receieving an award or diploma like I’ve seen on TV. A dream of rechognition. A fantasy that my ideas written here are indeed the secret to the universe, or at least my universe.

I have optomisim that tomorrow I shall wake and re-edit this piece with a cleareer mind and …

The dream stops.

The William Hung Syndrome strikes, and I convince myself I am crap, and that this is crap, and that life is crap.


but wait!  I am now thinking iof this writing as a broadway musical, and an angel flies in from the left on wires;

There is still hope. We may be living in Oz, but you can still take the shoes  back with you tomorrow.


Fail.

blah.

I had high hopes there for a moment.  So many thoughts flood into the stage when I open up the conversation for full mind evaluation.

I’m close.

I can feel it.


pause. Breath.  We’re mixing up again. We’re messing up again. We’re making great writing be ignored because the crazy comes out and the fingers can’t keep up with the amount of ideas and flashback memories and pride and self hate all mix into a blender.

Pause

Breath.

Hello.  My name is Elder Goebel. I want to gtalk to you about my universe.

I wish I could. I wish I could have the pride to believe my ideas are good enough to …

stop

What do I want?

Life finds a way.  I understand that… when it comes right down to it, all I really want, is to wake up tomorrow. That’s the only goal of all life.

The differenvce between animate and inanimate.

I want to be able to wake up tomorrow.

Then, the details. I want to be able to afford food to eat that pleases me.

I want to be able to afford the bed in a tempature controlled place.

FRom my NOW, I can only change in increments, so I am living in an apartment buying food with a sallary based on a business I have created over the years. That business no lonber geerates enough income to pay the bills to allow me to eat steak.

I have given up many things I once considered my universe.

I can still wake up, but the stress and anxiety of maintainin the income to keep the food and rest alive make my waking hours less happy.


So I get high and try tio ponder a universe that makes sense, and it makes me happy.

I say it does.

It also makes me sad, because I doubt my worth and ability and I stay in my universe. I do not share. I do not expand. I do not lay new pins ouside the bounderies of my universe.


I watched a movie called bubble Boy abdout a boy who lived inside a plastic bubble. I think about this as my universe. I can interact in yours, but you can;’t interact in mine.

I believe I am less than you.

I dare not risk losing respect my sharing my ideas.

I do not want the mnemory of you laughing at me in my library.

This way, I have the luxury of believeing I am great and the smartest person in the world, without actually having to worry that I might not be.

I am King of My unierse and Librarian tomy memories.


Sadness.  My writing sucks.  I have figured out – or at least begun to figure out the unified theory of everything. Connecting ideas between single cells and split cells and self awareness and conciousness and inanimate objects and the elements. The vibrartions of the universe make sense… kind of.

And then I think… yeah, but I’m fucking high man.  Whoooaaa dude.

Drugs connect things differently.

BAM

that’s kind of the point.

Mind explosion. I want the pride of my writing, my ideas, my explanations, but actually doing anything is hard.

I am half a cell. I can nt exist without a counter part.

I do not know what Iam without looking at the cell next to me.

 

I want to be what I clearly know I am not, but my brain won’t give up thinking I can be, so I am icarus… no.. sysifis.


I want to yell I want to cry.

I want to be famous. I’m terrified of fame.

I wanto to sleep, and wake up happy tomorrow and do this all over again.


My universe is stuck. It needs external sources.

A silent universe can not make it’s own ping.

A bell can not ring itself

I am now singing an 80’s song in my head; You can ring my bell. It was a kind of dirty song, but given today’s deeper comparison, we all need someone to ring our bell. To start the activity. To make the moment in front of us different than the moment we’re in now. To make the universe pinmg. To make the heart blip on the ECG screen.

A nudge.

A shake

A littkle move to the left

A vibration.

The universe starts with …

The universe starts the moment smething interesting happens.

The univere starts when it notices the moment past is different than the moment lived.

A ping


Imagine a speck. A single cell floating in nothing. It exists. It is.

It will never be anything else. It has no awareness of itself because tere is no referecnce.

 

.

 

The moment it becomes 2, everything goies batshit crazy.

When one becomes two, it creates the first dimension. It becomes a line. The two are either identical or not, and if different, then motion may have been created. 3 can either appear in line, or in a second dimension. You can place the third apple on the table next to the other two, or in a triangle.

Lets say the first three are a line. . becomes ..

.. becomes …

Time is invented. The moment between splits. The gestation period before a new sehment is added.

It could be by ones or doubles.

. becomes ..

,, could become .. but could also become …. which bevcomes …….. etc

not only is time the space between splits, but space is too.

The distance between theperiods is what makes elements.

.. is one element and . . is another.

This goes on through the universe. Different 3 dimensional spaces between the dots is what makes matter, vapour, gas, light, radio, sound, xray etc. The space between the dots

Ths is why some things can be seen through, and some smells can pass through walls and some liuqud can seep through clothes.

In an expanded vision,it is also how you can walk down the street and get on a bus and ride downtown and never meet your neighbour.

just dots moving around in a universe.

its an exciting theory. I only wish I’d follow up when I wake up happy and sober tomorrow.

end of part one.