It’s officially a Tuesday in the middle of the month but for me, it feels a bit like a Monday because I have my meds again and chocolate for the first time in about two weeks. I woke up very sleepy at 5am and the cat Chloe promptly sat on me to make sure I didn’t decide to go back to sleep. If I didn’t know better, is say she knows our time together is limited. Her rutials have become more emotional of late and she appears genuinely excited and affectionate when I wake or go to the bathroom each morning. We talk about it frequently as if we understood what the other is saying. She has become increasingly chirpy and eager.
I say up and broke through the tiredness with some of my morning wake up smoke and had the optimism that today would be a good one. I would actually get some packing organized and started. This means I have accepted the move is real. It’s like a new day, and I’m heading towards the last days.
I felt a bit of pressure for the first time yesterday as luggage was brought to me, and discussions if air travel plans were mentioned. We are both aware of my tendency to ignore proposed deadlines until the last minute, and since no timeline has been specified this time, I definitely needed the nudge. I didn’t take it personally as a Please get out message, although clearly that was at least partially the intent. At least I can approach it with my Paxil maintain my a mood without tears.
My brain goes through mental gymnastics on the good days so this time in the cycle of a move is extra difficult. I am being rejected once again, and pushed into a fast timeline of transition with little information about the other side. I’ve done it so many times now, at least I don’t worry as much. I’m past denial and now evaluating the things I’ll miss. Chickens and cats will not be coming with he, but humans and pizza will be back in my life, which I will accept and Adapt to quickly.
I’m mostly concerned that the city lifestyle will ultimately be more costly with an income that is less. I remain hopeful that I always make life work out for me, and it may be odd to view it this way, but I have overcome worse already. My handled some of my biggest fears during the last few years.
When you live mostly inside your own head, big moves are environmental shifts but my coping mechanism remains the same. I find ways to smile and enjoy the new experience.
When you make the story the goal, the good is as same as the bad. When all else fails, make the story a great one because it’s the only thing if value anyway.
Time to start the Monday.
