I don’t think that Saturday Night Live would be live on Thanksgiving weekend. It seems like that would be very unfair so I’m not worried that in half an hour it will start and by then I will have forgotten and I will miss it. Even though my alarm goes off with an hour notice, I continuously seem to forget in that hour and I have missed the opening twice now.
I didn’t sleep last night and so I should have slept today but I kept smoking more Matt than feeling good and getting an amazing amount of work completed today. I enjoyed myself with a very minimum of worry or doubt. Not zero but a minimum amount staying in my room all day.
It’s now 8:00 p.m. and I just finished my second medium pizza and I have to think about whether I want to stay up again or whether I want to go to sleep or whether I can go to sleep. As I type this I am standing over my phone with my brand new orange chicken bomb. Chicken bong in one hand and the lighter and the other. Okay you caught me. I lied about typing this. I’m actually speaking and the Google keyboard is translating while I click the lighter and inhale from the back of the chicken’s head.
That’s a strange statement to make. I have definitely increased my usage in the past two to three weeks noticeably. I find it interesting because I can’t really put my finger on any difference in my mood or attitude and in the same sentence I will say that my mood and attitude are quite a bit better but not in a noticeable way. As I wrote that I realize it doesn’t really make sense but if you know you know I guess. For myself and people with ADHD brains like me, the amphetamine stimulants don’t give you the same type of high.
As I’ve said in the past though decisions just seem right while under the influence of this drug and so that means doing more just seemed right. It feels good and I got so much done today that that felt good too so it was like a double whammy. I don’t think I would enjoy another all-nighter because I’m out of things to do. But it’s 8:10 and I just did more so who knows how late I’ll fall asleep if I’ll fall asleep.
All nighters are quite a bit different here in the farmland than they were when I lived in Toronto and had accessible friends. Strange that I feel a much greater confidence under the influence and yet when the opportunity arises to talk to people I still don’t want to because I don’t feel confident that I won’t appear stupid when I’m high. That’s why I don’t smoke weed. I don’t feel stupid on meth. I almost feel like the guy from that movie limitless.
Not quite but close I swear that whoever wrote that movie had definitely tried meth and probably got effects closer to the stereotype than I do. It’s too bad Al never really know how other people feel on this.
To be honest I still after all these years have not seen anyone seem high on meth. It’s nothing like any other drug. When people take it you just don’t see them change You don’t see them react. I’m sure some people do but I haven’t met them yet I think nobody does and everyone thinks someone else does.
It would be an interesting story and as I think about it just now I’m reminded of the movie formula 44 which was pretty much about that idea. You start a rumor that you have a drug that’s really bad or really good and it’s completely placebo but it becomes one of the most popular drugs in the world because no one wants to admit that they’re not feeling anything from it for quite a while I was close to thinking I wasn’t getting anything fun out of meth but that it clearly was helping with my ADHD symptoms. It was clear I wasn’t getting the same you for you but after having seen so many other people not get the euphoria as described, the thought occurred to me that it’s possible this was the euphoria that other people described and it was just my highly expectations that made it feel like it wasn’t.
And then I started doing more and discovered they’re actually was a level above what I was doing that contained a little bit of euphoria and Bliss and so then I started doing more etc etc
Initially I was afraid of doing a marked quantity more but realistically I had to do more of every single drug I’ve ever tried to get the same effects people were describing My brain was just reacting to them all differently because of a combination of the legally prescribed drug I was on that was muting their effects and just the way my brain works.
