I don’t usually enjoy the holiday season but on the farm, it’s completely different. There are no Christmas songs playing. No traffic,no packed stores. There really is nothing to signify this month is anything different than last month, except it’s colder.
Without a car, or money, I’ve been able to avoid much of the stress and guilt that Christmas brings me. I’m fact, I almost forgot about it until all the TV shows started mentioning they were taking the rest of the year off. Because my tv habit is mostly Netflix and UouTube I pretty much avoided all the holiday advertising.
It was nice. I don’t enjoy the pressure of Christmas and this year I was able to not think about it all December. Now I only have a few days to be depressed as the tree goes up and the ritual of guilt comes because I don’t have gifts to share with those that insist it’s ok, while they give me more.
I have mixed feelings because gift receiving is hard. While I won’t deny that getting free stuff at Christmas has its advantages, especially when poor, I often don’t want or need more things, and the obligation to feel grateful externally is hard. I’ve living free in the life of a couple that may or may not regret that offering.
It’s a mind fuck all year long, but then this additional one sided generosity twists the knife.
Then it’s happy New Year and the loop begins again.
I didn’t sleep well. My glorious winter dreams are harder to remember, and lost more quickly as I wake. I even forgot this blog post was supposed to be about that, and then the subject turned to December in general. More dreams lost.
Oh well.
