Random Depression before bed

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This has been a bad week. My recreational drug usage has had a lasting effect of extra sadness, in a time when regular sadness was at a peak. Things I noticed, from the mood pit. One thginjg that upsets me,…

Random Depression before bed

This has been a bad week.

My recreational drug usage has had a lasting effect of extra sadness, in a time when regular sadness was at a peak.

Things I noticed, from the mood pit.

One thginjg that upsets me, is the lost potential of thoughts I experience from a closed-eye just-before-sleep state.  I don’t get up and write the great ideas down.

Thye second part, is thatm even when I do, I still do bnothing with them, but I do feel better.  I take pride in my ideas and opinions, even if shered with nobody.

I have an equally depressed friend, and today we had lunch with a third.  She talked pretty much the whole time, and we diorected the conversation changes as much as we could.  She seemed happy.  I seemed happy.  WQhen we parted, we wwere both depressed and alone again.

I could not partner with her romantically or business-wisae because her depression shows on the outside more.  She gets upset when others don’t unjderstand mental illness is real and worth your pity and consolance as mich as a lost leg.

She doesn’t seem toi acceot that not everyone wil agree, and whining can be annoying.

She teaches me what not to do, at leats in public – but sometimes its hard not tonwhine and do exactly the saem thing.

I understand the chocken soup remedy. Its as much about agnolowhging I’;m sick and supporting me as iot is about the soup. Mental illness doesn’t have a souop y  yopu can bring me.

I changed y room up today.  It occurred to me, it made me happy for a moment, as the point I realized.  This is me.  This is my room, and thius, my life from this moment on.  Change in the room cann mean change in life.

I am happier with this setup, and may choose to write more because of iot.

We’ll see.\

Tomorrow, it isn’t change. It just is.  It is life,and I’m in it again.

Luch reminded me of a trait I can be proud of.  A lesson I learhned on my own, and doidn;t consider much until I told opthyers of it today, Until I turned it into a storuy.

I know how to end a cponversation, and how to continue it.  I know how to get others to continue it., or tell a story.

“The greatest gift you can easily give anyone, is the opportunity to tell a story. To share”

It is amazing how many people don’t know that.  They stop you shorty if they’re not interested in what you have to say.  The triuth seems to be, that lkistrening is only half as important as the opportunity to tell the story. It makes me happy to share.

\Todayt I let her tell her stories, and my interst was sincere. I listend beyond the point I may uisualyt change the subject because she wanted to talk, and it made nher happy to have me listen, and care.

In practice, listening may not be easy, nbjut it is easy to learn.  My skill comes by default because of my A.D.D.  In order to listen, I must interrupt, question, and recap.  I just have to, but that action, comes across as interst. It shows I am paying attention.

When you do that to people, they tell you more.  They respect.  They get excited in the telling.

\it it true many people don’t have the social skills to detect the difference. They’ll talk foir 2 hours about a comic book chateceter to somebeiy show shows no interest at all, if they keep saying “un-huh” every 45 seconds.  But if you do listen, you can also direct the conversation away harmlessly and listening becomes inyteractive. Lectures become conversations.

I have a few friends who can end a conversation,  They don’t show interst abnd don’t care, and its clear.  One word answers stop flow.

It bothers me sometimes, but it’s faster.

Too much random tonight.  Godnight.

10:23

Air conditioning based insomnia.

OH- -I may have fifured out my nausea and other sympstoms, All ear related.  I hope I go tonmorrow and ask somebody.

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