I am letting hope confuse me again. I’m still afraid to be famous. The lyrics of my hit song are playing over in my head. Every time I post to TikTok or anywhere I let hope drown out the fear. What if this is the one that catches?

People buy lottery tickets everyday with the understanding that the odds are insane, but online we can’t deny that other people are getting popular. In many ways, the internet fame seems doable. The TikTok famous people are in my face every day.  To a new generation, more people know who that dad with a soft voice and hidden ears is than George Clooney.

They start touring the country booking dates to share their success with hoards of fans. One single video can reach more people in two days than The Tonight show. Comedians used to dream of booking late night TV. Now it’s more of an honor to get mentioned by a repost on Instagram by some influencer with 6 million followers.

We look to them for their opinions about things like I used to look forward to my morning radio crew talking about that thing that happened in our town. 

Our community of friends can be international and the fan base can be wilder than the crowds at a concert when the Beatles were a big deal.

I started a new character based series today and after a few experiments, I’ve found a decent creation process that doesn’t rely so much on AI. I think it’s fun and I’ll continue making them until it’s no longer fun.

I have to be mindful of the mood swings potential success brings to me. Anxiety and hope mixed together. Afraid to be famous mixed with the dream of praise and popularity.

Someone famous said the worst thing you can be is famous when you’re poor. That haunts me.

I don’t want to be famous.

I just want a few fans.