I practiced pretending to sleep last night. I texted myself. I hit my water bong at around midnight because I was a bit itchy but I was also tired so I made an educated guess I’d be able to fall asleep at some point. That point ended up being around 4am so most of the night was spent in that unproductive limbo I call pretending.
I act like everything is normal. I close my eyes and rest my head in the starting pose and just lay there under the assumption I will wake up normally much later. At some point I toss and turn and realize I’m still fully awake. The music starts and thoughts tend to go on repeat.
I don’t keep myself awake with new ideas and thoughts. I fixate on one idea and sing it to some time over and over until I notice and open my eyes. I try to switch to a new idea but it loops. I realize I’ve over estimated my abilities to sleep but I’m hopeful so I don’t fully get up and do something. I lay back down and start over.
About once an hour or so till 4am. I woke up at 5:15 and decided not to go back to sleep because at this point, I know I would be out till the alarm woke me, and then I start my day in a weird tired mode. The worst type of sleep is the second sleep interrupted by an alarm mid cycle. It can ruin my morning – or day
So I’m awake for my Tuesday and I remembered my pill. I’ve already checked “daily blog” off my morning check-list. The cats have joined me, chased a few foil balls and I’ll start my email check and surf my socials.
Good morning. Days like this, I think positive thoughts about my weird meth habit. It’s going to be a good day.
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