The power is out which means the internet is down, and I just finished a round of pick me up smoke with intentions to put it to use progressing on work tasks. Now that I can’t, I feel cheated out of the amazing productivity I naturally assumed I would have used. The reality of course is that I’m still in a bit of a funky mood over work, so I probably would have ended up starting work, and quickly transitioned to a personal project, or something more fun.
I have the plugins I’m working on a bit of a break because they were getting close to completion and that brings stress. I prefer none of projects ever get completed. I work on them with hope and optimism until such time as they are either obsolete, or the joint fades to frustration and I can justifiably abandon them.
If I ever actually finished a project, I’d have to do something with it, and then endure the emotions of failure I’m so used to. Avoiding the whole judgement and unsuccessful reception of something I’m proud of is easier.
I struggle with that concept because I genuinely am impressed with what my AI team and I have come up with. It’s been whittled down to 17 pride worthy WordPress plugins that work well in my testing and are just imperfect enough in layout and design to keep me interested.
The idea of release is something I simultaneously want and fear. The fear is two-fold. The theme “what if I’m wrong” chimes through my mind so much, partly because I’ve written 3 or 4 songs about it.
It’s not as if people will laugh in my face. A WordPress plugin doesn’t have a live audience and comments would only be from the select few that find it by fluke. I think reception would be slow and uneventful unless I invested time and energy in promotion, which isn’t something I’m known for, even within my own head.
If I’m not wrong, and the programs really do fill a market hole and find success, then the masses may find bugs or complain about it, and require support. If there are no bugs, and people love it, they may hassle me for feature requests or improvements.
My brain is skilled at negative scenarios and can turn any win into a lose-lose situation. But if I were to release it as beta and welcome issues and suggestions then that mindset give me a similar reaction and workload but without the negative feedback emotional baggage.
Still, in advance of any of that I have to get over the continual improvement habit that works toward a perfection that will never be satisfied.
So I stopped, and started on a different programing goal. One that is just 100% for me and my quality of life improvement during the invoice runs for my business. I’m needlessly spending $130 a year for the most basic of invoicing programs, so my AI team and I write one from scratch. It’s nearly done too, and it’s only 4 months behind because I think about it at the end of each month and know it needs more changes, so the monthly subscription or the commercial one takes money out and renews instead, then I repeat.
All of this is instead of the actual work for paying clients because I’m busier than I’ve been in over a decade. Five customers all at different degrees of anger or at least unsatisfied frustration. Even the part I like are hard for me under those conditions.
So instead, I blog and nap.
Until next time when I loop and start not starting all over with a new set of justifications and excuses.
