Normality has returned.

Drug Posts, Personal Journey

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem.- Douglas Adams I don’t live a very normal life anyway and my psychiatrist and others have taught me not to even…

Normality has returned.

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem.- Douglas Adams


I don’t live a very normal life anyway and my psychiatrist and others have taught me not to even use the word normal. Everyone’s different for everyone lives their own normal all the time.In this case, I am referring to Sunday evening at the end of the week without any drugs except of course my normal Paxil.In my mind, the change has been extremely subtle. Almost non-existent between the way I feel today and the way I felt last week.There are some differences, but I can’t really put my finger on anything specific. I noticed the world a little more. I’m not just thinking about thinking or thinking about being high.Yesterday, I spent the entire day with my good friend on an adventure. We traveled a distance in his car and talked about a lot of things that I can’t be certain of, but I’m reasonably sure we would not have talked about if I was under the influence of amphetamines. I never really admit to a difference when I’m on them. But when I’m off them there is a distinct… I’m contradicting myself now I was about to say there’s a significant difference after previously saying there is not a significant difference. I don’t know it’s probably the best answer. I don’t understand. I can tell you I’m not vlogging as much, but you probably noticed. Regular follower. I’m certainly not making videos because the topic of those videos was always flowing clouds and smoking. Since that’s not a part of my life currently I talk a little bit about the rooster. He and I had a battle last week. I don’t think the rooster blogs are all that interesting though.I think overall my creativity may have gone down and not sure too over the past 5 years of use. Again, it’s really hard to tell. It is just different. Different in a good way I think at least for this blog. I’m outside walking around wet ground on a fall day in my bare feet and waiting for my two pieces to arrive. As is usually the case when I’m ordering pizza, especially on a Sunday, especially at the end of the month, I spent my last few dollars. My bank account is empty, and as I say that I realize it’s not true I’m actually almost $70 in the hole with a PayPal that I forgot about until just now. On Monday they will attempt to retrieve that from my bank account and cause a third bounce at my bank. Each one costing me $45.This means that pizza today may actually have cost me close to $200 if I consider three bounces in the price. It won’t even be that good a pizza.I wish I’d remembered that an hour ago, but I am hungry and pizza is one of my favorite replenishment foods.Without the magical appetite suppressant quality of methamphetamine, I’m hungrier than usual and I finished the last of my groceries earlier today.The side effect of this is that tomorrow, I will attempt to do the October invoices, call some of my delayed paying clients and attempt to squeeze their debt out of them and maybe- just maybe cover my costs with PayPal on my bank and groceries.Realizing that now it’s a lot of money so I’m not sure how I’ll juggle it. Luckily, I’ll have pizza.This is my normal life. Juggling debt, eating pizza, and hoping it gets better tomorrow.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *