I scroll through Tumblr or Reddit and the posts about drugs are always intermixed with drugs containing sex. Most frequently, lots of nudity and hard active sex. I want to be a part of that world, but I’m terrified, so I just ignore it. I don’t even try.

I stay sexless and dull, scrolling by the fabulous tits wondering what my life could have been. Wishing of had a sexy drug girlfriend and liked to party. I would like to party, but I’m also aware of how awkward and out of place I feel in those situations.

Another fantastic example of me realizing I don’t actually want my hopes and dreams to come true. I prefer the wishing. I live in the struggle. 

Something might happen tomorrow that changes everything. I’m patient. 

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