There wasn’t really a reason to reopen an argument that didn’t really happen. They don’t fight in this house. One party gives up in any arguments and the other goes on living thinking they are always right. I suspect that’s common in many couples that stay together. Most things in life aren’t worth fighting over because the person who needs to be right doesn’t want to be wrong.
And the person that gives in is much happier giving in than making the person who needs to be right angry.

Unfortunately my sister and I have a relationship where we both are right more often than not, so when there is conflict, we both assume we are right.
She’s used to it. I’m wrong all the time and I’m happy to admit it and learn in many cases but if I know I’m right and I’m certain of it it’s very difficult to not want to prove it. To not back down.
In this case as in most conflicts with my sister, they are about things in the field that I am well educated in. Computers and web design and the internet. My sister and I have different personalities and being right and correct it’s handled completely differently.
So when she told me something that I knew was not the case I really needed to prove to her that I was right. Not just because I was right but because that’s what I do for a living and not believing me is pretty major in my head.
In this case I knew I was right, and I also knew that I had proof because all the websites that I install that I know customers will be working on instead of just me have a log. A log that details specifically step by step the actions that she took that I described to her she denied.
So of course, providing this proof was the mistake. I just couldn’t let it go. It meant too much to me that my sister assumes she was right and I don’t know what I’m doing and I make mistakes and I’m worthless and I’m not worth consulting in any way on the project that I have spent 35 years doing for happy customers.
But they’re really was no right way to approach this other than to ignore it and walk away and have her believe that I’m incompetent and she was right. There was no reason for the fight and nothing was gained by me proving my point except that I had to go away and cry that I made my sister mad.
I know that nobody likes to be caught being wrong. It’s just human nature to want to be defensive or dismissive when somebody else has to bring it to your attention that they were right and you were wrong. It just never goes right or well and I know this.
But my sister and I have this competition and we’re both smart and the people surrounding us aren’t as smart so it’s understandable that it’s a surprise when someone challenges.
Usually if I correct someone about web design they accept it because that’s what I do and it’s not what they do. Most people understand they don’t understand.
The weird thing about my sister is that she is very smart and she’s done very well ironically in a computer field for much of her life. Main difference is that I have a insatiable need to be perfect and praised and respected. She has the need to get the job done and she’s the best person to do that in every case, including those when she isn’t the best person to do it but it’s still faster for her to do it poorly than for her to wait for someone else to do it because her experience is that the other people won’t do it and she can’t afford to not be the one responsible for it getting done.
We couldn’t be more opposite in our approaches and in everyday life her approach works perfectly for her. She is the one that gets things done and occasionally that rubs people the wrong way but that’s not important if the thing gets done.
I have never been at get things done guy and in fact I only recently figured out for my psychological point of view that I tend to not get things done intentionally because if they’re still works in progress I don’t get in trouble for them not being perfect. However, not getting things done isn’t the same as not being able to do them well. Timelines and deadlines do not drive me and in fact they repel me. To her, the fastest way over a hurdle of any kind is to solve it. Where I might spend hours days or even weeks trying to figure out the correct solution to something, she has already thrown money at it or whatever it took and completed the project ahead of schedule.
It frustrated me that asking me for help or clarity in this particular case wasn’t an option. She paid money needlessly for our product that was already installed and didn’t think twice because it allowed her to continue working.
When I brought it up to her tonight she got angry. In her mind it was a problem solved and fault was irrelevant. Being wrong was irrelevant. Solving the problem and getting the work done was the solution and the win and why was I bothering her about being wrong because in her mind she wasn’t wrong. She still believes that I didn’t do it despite the fact that the log shows the facts. However I do understand now. The log also shows that she spent less than 5 minutes trying to figure out what went wrong and she just solved it. That’s who she is. I have a newfound respect for that personality type because it is so foreign to me. Not just because I don’t have the resources to solve problems that way but also because it’s hard for me to comprehend a solution being more important than understanding why.
It is a brute force way of life and now that I have taken the time to understand it and learn from it, I suspect we will argue less. I would like her to understand and read this blog but that would be 17 minutes out of her day with no benefit and in that time she will probably be solving three other problems.
Fascinating. I’m glad I wrote this blog. I feel better now knowing that it probably didn’t cause her a moment reflection in any way and the anger that I sensed in her at me probably went away the moment she went into the next room. It’s interesting too perceive reality in a completely opposite way than I normally do which is that I upset her and she’ll be thinking about it and thinking about me for far too long. I’m happy you’re knowing it’s just me obsessing about me in my head and she’s just read six more chapters of the book she’s in bed reading. The temptation to bring it up again and apologize is huge and it may keep me up for another 3 or 4 hours tonight but hopefully I can find the distraction and I don’t feel the need to mention it again.
I’m already obsessing over how hard it is for me sometimes to not want to share revelations and observations about my universe. That’s this blog.