My secret blog is cursed and my universe advances me to the next level.
I have moved to using the Jetpack web site at to write, rather tah the WordPress of my web site directly. It is a trial NOW that I try, in search on a better NOW. The answer to life, the universe and everything truly is ASACI ASTERISK. $42. Anything and everything, defined and or… Read More »

My secret blog is cursed and my universe advances me to the next level.

I have moved to using the Jetpack web site at to write, rather tah the WordPress of my web site directly. It is a trial NOW that I try, in search on a better NOW.

The answer to life, the universe and everything truly is ASACI ASTERISK. $42. Anything and everything, defined and or otherwise beyong imagination.

We are the authours and librarians of our universe and the sooner you learn that that really means, you’ll be at a level lower. If youre content, then ignore the waterfall and stop the canoe to the shore for a stay. 5 years is your record. This year four of trying it alone. I’m on that shore waving my arms at anyone I see in the strream to pay attention to me. emoji ding.

Alas, the stream is a story, and not shared, so  there is never a neiughbours boat to see my hails. I only ever lived the cottage life once a year for 5 yeqars in my favourite community to date. I called them the cottage 12 and it was 10 peole in couples, Jennifer and I, and she liked me more than I let myself like her. I kept distance because I was afraid.

I ended uoliving with Jennifer as a room mate for 5 years in her first chapter od adult life. We were BFF forever until I replaced her as #1 with a new activity partner that introduced me to weed that didn’t involve a joint.

I never wanted to se seen smoking a joint. I was against smoking and that mind change was amy first line to cross. The acceptance of contraban and the risk of not being perfect. I was told I was smart and aced early IQ tests, which was a contributer to the dissapointment of failure.

In your life experience you may have met one or two people that seem to have a magic ability to be great at a lot of things, right away. I know at least a few such pepole that have astonished me with the versitile excellence peole have. The peole who get picked first by any team.

Conversly, I seemed to be cirsed with the opposite characteristics. My accident prone “fisrt five years” was turned into a comical montage story of how often I wouould hurt myself or therwise crush the joy of a situation.

Without understnding the way my brain was different, I blurted out my thoughts before the second voice had time to review. I was hit and miss on the crowd. It was often mean because the punchline was all, and punchlines that werre relatable with a shared familiarity were the gold standard of being a memory they audience will share, or a memory that didn’t inspire a second date.

I jad not yet leraned the life hack of asking me out twice, again 20 minutes after I said no, and then imagiuned some scenarios wher I might actually enjoy bthat invitation. In truth I nhave absolsute confidence I am capable of enjoying almost anything I’m asked to do if I get asked a few times. You might have to convince me you’ll enjoy my company ad let me know to adjust when I get too annoying, because given the chance to tell my story to a person rathe than my memory chest, I have been known to talk for hours.

If I’m on ecstasy, I will fall in love and want to go into business with whoever is listening, and I’m quite erious. I have spet a great deal of real world money spoiling second life hustelers for a social life and girlfriend for 30 minutes of talk.

I ave falen in love.

I have a saying, I like tat I can fall in love within our first interaction, and then  want to date to observe how our crazies gel together as we expose more of our reactions. Each of us noticing differences in our routines that are cause to react.

Oh. There is a beard hair in the sink.

Frustration, followed by a mood shift to sadness. the hair may represent your lack of freedom and the inconvenience of living with a rom mate that has philisopically evolved to not leeting hygne and cleanliness spoil an otherwise lazy day. I created my own universe, so it is prefcetly understandable that not bathing daily is not my norm, and I learn that daily bathing was an invention of marketinmg and is actually detrimental to personal health.

Since I turned my obcessive depression into a mental health issue and medicated with Paxil, I have gone nearly four years without getting sick.

My exceptions are cocaine related. The cycle of cold symptoms  folows cocain snorting and despite knowing I don’t like cocaine… or mre truthefully, the pros for mcocaine do nout outweight the cons, but I have found myself in a position wher I can help others by getting them cocaine occasionally, and it’s pretty hard to not tack on a bit for me. Depending on the NOW cash flow, that was anything between a half gram, and an eball.

pause.  My heart asks for asttention and a stand up. I blame the cabonated Pepsi I had oer the past few days and backwards connect the dots to what I now feel as heartburn.

In the reality I am not telling, it could be a heart attack grumbling. I can not deny the fuutre of my death will amost certaoin;ly be in this bed having written or recorded some things that probably won;t be spoken with last words sentiments.

idea. I think pre funeral parties should be an annual thing.

replace birthday parties with grand bechelor quailty parties orgnizd for the nerds that don’t speak to women.

I am one of the ME’s

We only thrive in pairs, like the people of the planet with binary shiney silver blip talkers that invented Minuette to be a chat bot that could fool Ricker AND the captain into what was essentially a forign chat bott being used to scam you out of your ship.

If only their genuius had bee used for good and not eveil, meinuette could have been added to the cast with a mobile mmiter .

I think of my writing with no desion. It is either filled with gems that could be reworked into good stories. I still ponder whether this content is the kind people read today.

Blogs are this centuries diearies except without the false confidence lock that anbody could bypass with minimal prctice. Dear diaries were designed to not be brother ding to not be sibling proof.

Secrets kept have not yet been rated. We are not the best to judge our own thoughts. The brain works best thinking new thoughts without the anxiety of reaction. I am best not when writing to the audience, but typing at the sped of thought on the hopeful assumption that I will figure it out.

I will keep yelling and waving my arms inside this sealed bedroom and dream of my savior figuring out how to turn me on. Pun intended, or not. Two dstories for the price of one.

I keep asking for help in ways I know it won’t come. I blog behind a firewall.

I don;t know if I can trust my stoned stream to not ruin my life. My story contains statements that will incriminate me at the most, and effect opinion at the least.

I li e the soersona of a victum of my mind, and a universe I invented to fit the story. Once I discovered I control the story of my universe, I had a verified excuse to do nothing but exist. I have become a specialist in car salesman likability.

I learned the secret. Stories.

The power of stories is a superpower you can master with time. The ones with the best stories win.

recall. I was saying that I have riends that I slowly discovered were magic. The polar opposute of me like a villan to mthe hero as described by Samual L Jackson in Unbbreakable. The power to understand how our universe works and the power of the story.

Have you ever bought a car from a career car salesman? Do you remember their name? Do you remember what they drive,, or what team they support. If youre like I imagine most people in a community are, your car salesman left a story memorable enough to retain valueable space in nyour memory. I remember many of my car salesmen.

It fascinates me that pop culture has geerated an image that is accepted as the norm. Used Car Sales are slime, but new car salesmen are not. One is an unhappy emoji face feeling and one is a happy face emoji feeling. New car ads are a fascinating genre to watch on multiple levels.

Random fact that you can use.  Did you know that most, if not all car commercials use fake cars? Even many ads that have been forced to deny accountabiity if you believe teh story is true and try things you should not be trying. Car commercials in this time period, as well as many others, include written disclaimers; Professional Driver. Closed Course. Do not try

It appears even on lame commercials where the 4 door sedan is appealing to a duller crowd. Professional driver turning into driveway. Closed cpourse do not try.

It’s sending mixed messages. Do I want to imagine myself in that car, or is the ad playing hard to get? They want me to love the car from afar and have a professional driver. I think I canb handle driving it.Like many people, I actually enjoy driving, as my time in the car is unallocated and guilt free. It is perfect tyhinking time, but if I drive alone, I waste it,and tune music in.

Car conversations are a favoutriute past time of mmine. A shared experince of life, sjharedn with punchlines, the way I like it. Both from me, and if I get really lucky, a compliment of replies and punchlines back at me.

A good click is a top feeling as you surf the tip of the river with adrenaline.

Each and evbery new interaction with a stranger or a regular face, is a potential life change and new addition to your niverse. Every new hello couldbe the origin story of the next five years, or ficking forever if I handle the 5th year right.

I’ve never roomated since I changed my confidence to acceptance. The people who have been assuring me over and over that IIm am …

I search for a label and use cool, both as a generic word that gives me the feeling of a good click. A potential match. The spark. It really comes do3wn to comic timing and a relaxed feeling that doesn;t make me feel less. A match that I can make smile and that sile changes me in a way I have learned to phsically feel.

A smile changes me. I feel it. It is a joyous moment in NOW that I cherris and work for, often beyond reason. Since I live in a Universe waiting for it to cause me to react… I am eager to jump at change to see that smile again.

I am either accepted, or rejected at that point and a moment can feel like an neternaty. My mind fills the void of a wait with it’s ownb scenarios. In the pause btewen my ask and your getting the notification and choosing a time to reply, I have answered for youy. I have imagined what I might do if you let me in ,and we try to become a working couple.

The first words I spoike to my fiurst 5 year serious girlfriend was that I loved how we both needed each other, and its so much easier to help a spouce with her life, then share mine and ask. I ws never comfortablke with anyone, no matter how closew discussing me. I stop anything I don’t want to hear.

When you live life as a poinzie sceme and postpone everything negatuive to a time in the fure that fores it back to you, you have a sliver of fear i9n your mind that any given moment in NOW, I could answer the call that changes the story, or open the ndoor, or crash the car.

My only solice is the philosophy of stories.

Once you accept that your reliogion teaches it’s stories as absolute and true, and asks you to go on record saying you believe it and accept it as the truth. Faith is invented to answer the questions that were unansweredable when the stories were first distributed as the word.

Yesterday they were the town stories of life, the univere and everything that our butcher told at the front of the hall. Today they get changed just a bit to be told as original.

You can plagerize all you nwant if you don’t get caught.

I don’t want approval that is fake, but I do think a lot of greqt vwisdom is lost becaue our rules have always been tell it once.  The Internet changed the word even more thanvideo tapes did because now we have access to everyones library, not just the ones we remember.  We can re-visit Beqkman’s World and Barba Pappa with fresh coats of memory paint.

We also get to smile at our friends when we learn they liked Beakman too.

Shared memories… a community of stories to use as reference and educational examples of how to live within the universe story tyat is current society.

In a world where most peopeld don’t spend as much thinking time as a meth addict on weed that has had strong acid trips more than 300 times.  I have experienced a sadness that people were not impressed by that number when I’d tell my acid stories, despite that being a huge number I think.  I made it up one day based on a very real belief that for 5 years in the laste nighties from age 27 when I learned that A.DD. was a thing and I was released of all the guilt that IU ws not a success.

It was OK to know in my hgead, I’d had fun figuring things out, and the stories I tell are of a fuill rich happy life, with friends and smiles almost all the time. I am happy I figured out during the early late groiwth stages from 27 on, I m happy I figured out that my life was actually rich with stories once I knew how to remember. I am glad of that lightbulb moment when I ddeccided to become a storyteller.

As big leap for a secret recluse that only turned on buy invitation of question.

I created my story by reframing life and being content. I had no excitement, except when sharing. Before the Internet, the smiles were live and despite feeling less than my peer group friendship circles, I enjoyed our time together and amm greatful somebody kept asking me, twice.

I confess that my version of the depression I insist is real and not like your depression, was almost always based on the doom of finance. I didn’t learn about money until I was making it, and when you live at home, and income can seem huge.

I loved buying things, especially if they were considered WOW items that I could use to start a conversation of sharing. Nerds using their spot watch to open the discussion. Hey, Haaaaave you met Caasio.?

Referemnce:L How I met your other. Ted is assisted by the best wingman line ever. Tap a woman on the shoulder ormotherwis eget her attention in a way that doesn’t invade personal space, and point at Ted. Haaave you met Ted,and the vanish.

It is a forced converation with a story built in and a perfect opportunity to start seeing what makes her smile. If you not seen the show, the real life reaction has a chance of failing miserably because it could be confusing and unexpected. A woman might react the same way I did when asked the question that my mind had not regersed for.

I could introduce myself and be faced with a cultueral exchnage that requires me to go through the torchure of explaining an joke that will seem flat when told this way.

I click or clash. If yoou give me an out, I’ll take it. A no swipe left is safer than the potential of a swipe right and then I have to speak first again. Tinder wasn’t for me because A) I find it disturbing to swipe by what seemed like 300 women, some of which were really very cool women with just the right smile. I fell in love with numerous cell phone sized faces. On dating sites, none replied. On Tinder none swiped right.


Not even fake bots swiped right on me.

The evil app wants me to believe that 3 people did swipe right, but I won;’t know who unless I swipe another 200 rejects, but the skep[tic in me knows that isn’t a real value, but rather an ad incentive to buy the membership. I have expenced far to much money in the past learning that the women showing you attention pre spend, are nowhere to be found the monet you’ve pqaiud the ransom.

Oh sorry… you were in the demo mode. You will never recieve a reply from a real woman here eityher, or you will.. but they will be severly ugly faces. It’s not cirrect to call people ugos, although that would be been a laugh years ago.

I want to believe I deserve a face that makes me smile. I have sadness that I can dismiss a partner who mightb be ideal, if the face isn’t  smile I respect and long to earn over and over.

When I meet a potential click, I need to discover a few things.

  1. How will she react when I display ignorance at things that should be obvious.
  2. I have learned I can be annoying if not to you, to me, and that can be annoying. In new probational learning time otherwise called the first date, oir first contact.
  3. I need to see how you react to me being wrong.
  4. T\How you react to me habit for narating my life like a live dvd comentary and often leaving a conversation mid sentence.
  5. I avoid anger. I no longer say I don’t get angry as an absolute, but I have worked the story of my life to avopid anger conciously, so I try to reframe my stories as they unfold and tell the story as a positive.

Well it’s not going well, take solice in the great story you can tell.

When all else fails, remember you can make the story a great one. All of tradgey will eventually be a story you tell far enough in the future that is doesn’t retain the emotion. Knowin this allows me to use a trick, and think about how this will be told as a story 5 years from now, and mould that story now.

If you save your live reaction to a great NOW, the first time as a positive, the idea of PTSD may be lessened.

Our brain is wired with some absolutes in the fuisrt five years. Those core stories are a cornerstone to who we are and which side we’ll clickm LIKE MON.



I have changed my confiudence tio say I am proud of the potyenmtial my writing has, and that with editing< i could gather a following.

I could be a gem find. As much as a partner with… as much as I need a fan that is able to stay with me for a second date, I will prove worthy of the effort.

Meeting me is like the first Chapter of SNOW nCRASH, a book that defines a world that exists in unison with an officially santioned avatar universe. Second Life is inspired by the Metaverse in Sbow Crash, but the opening firstr impression must be some ealry screening system. On;y truley dedicated readers or followers can make it past the first chapter and the pizza delivery chick I nfall in love with.

Im an aquired taste and like an animal in captivity, I have a habit of sabataching my success by stopping just short of anything bthat might be a start.

I don’t hanfdle spontanious interaction if taken by surpruise and the smile is already trapped me. I become and babling fool, or a silent mute if the face in front of me is too pretty. The guilt of mis matched levels of hotness intimidate me, amnd although Iam currently favouriting the bimbo fake tit porn, I prefer the lookand style of a prettyy face and smile that isn’t trying. The smile I can feel, with the just woke up quality of nature.

I need a goldilocks. A woman who speaks first, and is smart enough to be right most of the time, without the need to be right all the time. I am a man that changes sides when presented with a view that differs, as long as your story wins me over.

I do get frustrated when I sense your universe has something wroing, but I accept bthat it doesn’t really make a bit of difference in my universe, as we interact on the happy thoughts. If you don’t like Hiwaian Pizza some people might choose to defend it and start confliect. I agree and listen. If I feel the need Im may try to sway you to my thought, but I’ll run from any debate if it gets loud.

Every conflict ends one of two ways. When one side successfully gets te other side to agree, and they share the same stories, or one side decides to give up trying to change a belief and surenders.

As WOPER said near the dn of WAR GAMES when the answer to stop nuclear war was tic tac toe.

WOPER concluded just in time that some games did not have a winner and the onky way not to lose, was not to play. Missles were stopped.

In love, the goal is to find one that you can love as loong as possible before the irritations outweight the ploeasures. I tend to start my campain to flea in year two by building up guilt that I am noi longer keeping her happy.


break.  Rest. 2am.

Two additional brwonies had little effect above inital dose. This is the norm but now I have only one left and I am in that mode where I know I will eventually give in to the craving for the brownie as a munchie and dismiss the thought that it’s value is more than a dinner at Five Guys, but oif I eqt it as a brownie, knowing it’s effects as a drug are probably zero… I know I could eat it now and not think of it again, or stay up till 4am constantly thinking about it.

I pre approve that as the story of what would have happened if I did not give in and eat it right now, but my universe does well with instant gratification where the down side never comes.

ding hasn’t come.

If you leave the horrors of your past out of the stories you retell, I’me always happy.

If I don’t retll the bad, it didn’t happen.

PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN is a truth stringerthan the author may have intended.

I think  may try a porn break. I’m going to try to not do anything else tonight, but I’m not telling about the snorted bump an hour or whateer ago.

end of neat part written in Jetpack on the wired keyboard.

OH. I soolved my ghost. It took me a while because I wasn’t trying. Over the past few days, I’ve been blogging with a bluetooth keyboard I share with my tablet and phone. They keyboard was acting very strange. I first used the word wonky.

It was cracteristic of things that defied the feel of  computer gliych. The wonkiness was over the top/

I learned later, the wired keyboard was under laundry and making contact with the computer as a second keyboard source with just the right bounce to be a mystery puzzle, but I didn’t try. I let it be crazy.

I continued the hard way, because teh easy way wasn’t easy.

Not changing is easy. All I have to do is learn to lie to you that I changed.

end. Tired. rest 2:10 am.  Silent bed entry. Part X of multi locational multi media blogging.



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