There is a movie, Formula 44. I am about to spoil it for you, which is a shame because it’s really worth watching. However, if you’re an intelegent person, you probably figured it out from the title of this blog. Good for you. Sorry I spoiled it.
In the movie, a new drug hits the streets, and it does absolutly nothing. Zero, Zilch. That’s the surprise ending youre not supposed to know. It’s like The end of an M Night SHamalan film, before he … well… lets just say some were better than others.
Here is my story. I happened apon some cocaine recently while trying to seduce a fan. It is of course courtsy to do a line with your partner, so as not to be suspcious, and also to share the high. I don’t do coke. I stopped a few times for years and years, and always regret breaking back to a new line, because it’ll last a while.
THis new fellow is a newb. He is horrible. Tonight, I finally figured out why. He is 100% hype. He sells white powder with some ingredient that stains the taste in your noe and later throat. It is not cocaine. It is 100% cut. White useless free powder, sold with hype.
Conveniently, to everyone who is already high. WHen you are high, a vicks vapour run $3.99 inhaler can blow your mind. On the right MDMA (molly, ecssy) it can rush you back up for another 2 hour long song.
If youre told it’s beter than last time, and it burns a bit, then it’s better than last time.
EVen if its worse than last time. The burn is decisidely the taste of the additive, not any cocaine.
Now to be fair, because it’s easy enough to trackj him through my not so very private computer and phone, a few things occur to me. Signs I have seen since the beginning.
It is at this time in the story where I must confess the stupidity of this story.
He is a craig’s List coke dealer. I have no memory of the origin story, or even who brought it up first, but I believe I initiated it.
Now here is the story. This happened in London Ontario
Oh shit. I forget. I don’t want to mix him up with the other one. I think we met at a place nearby the first time. I may have gone to him… but he always needs to get aride, .
red flag.
Always in white van with drive that does not talk.
Always promied better than last time
Always takes hours and hours to deliver
Posible Reasons:
WHen I make the call, it is on my schedukle, not his.
He has to get the team of detectives together, and set up therecording devives. He’s been in my home to set up mics and cameras. He only needs to connect to my wifi now, as he has it from my QR code.
He can see everything, and he’s just been waiting. Bating me with stuff, but some purchases have been high.
HE sold $60 weed extract THC as estasy and something cheao or free as coke.
I’m not a fair judge because, as I said, I don’t do coke. It effects me minamally in any way I can appreciate. This may very well be fantastic coke, that just doesn’t emind me of the taste of coke.
I’m more of a Pepsi man myself. I had to drink some to clear my throaut of that glorious drip, which wasn’t.
This is all a story anyway. Nothing is the truth, but without colaberation, it becomes the story. All that matters.
I have been writing about my theories odf the universe for some time. The power of the story is my thing, in my own way. It can, and may one day change the world, but at least I am confident enough to say it with change the universe of at least a few people.
My gaol is to write a book and talk about it. I was careful not to sayy “Mt dream”. Through therapy, I call all y dreams goals.. because I dream them that way. All possible within my level of compitence. I just need the right partner, and the right team.
I believe I can with the right #1. (Star Trek reference, military perhaps)
My stable base. My reaction master.
In my universe, I seem to have clung to this mental problem, of not really doing anything at all, unless it’s a reaction to something. It has effected me my whole life in ways I can not yet reveal. In my current universe, I am alone for the fisrt time in my life. I live without a reaction master. Without a dependant… or just room mate.
Each chapter of my life hs been the life I stepped into. I was a profesional roomate, in my head blending in as ideal roomate or best friend, and making their lives better through my teachings and ways. I was a commelian living in other people’s lives, in my head, like Michale Lando, or Sam Becket or whoever. I am a pro at blending in and being who I need to be, in other people’s lives. I make them my priority and it gives me purpose with the reward of smiles and happiness.
It usually fails around year five when guilt that I can’t do ebough to keep everyone happy including me, and I pck up and move on. If I can, with a good separation and life long friend I’d do almost anything for, within reaosn. IT didn’t always, but they all alre today.
I make friends. My current problem, in my quest to find intamacy, is that I’m still in the observation mode. I don’t know what my date wants or likes, and therefore I am awkward because I’m not used to being me.
If you ever saw early interviews of many charcetr actors like… I forget his name, but he was the great one on Saturday Night Live who could turn into different people better than anybody. On Interview shows, he had trouble not doing characters for a long time. EVen today, you don’t see that guy very often as him.
I am not yet fully proud of me I think. I don’t hve enough experience…
I CALL BULLSHIT ON MYSELF. Why do I choose to believe that negative though voice? It’s bogus.
Wait… rethinking. Vision of Data from Star Trek TNG. Processing. I’ve done that motion and quote many times while rethinking something slowly.
There is a problem. The confidence I’m remember ing is Orange Jeff, my alter ego fom the alternate universe where I only exist on weed and other intocicants. High Jeff is currently living a budget life of a cool strip club regulafr. A role I almost enjoyed in my late 20’s… before I had medicated for obcession. I was still a virgin into my 30;s.
Yes. 33, first kiss, love, and live in girlfriend. SAme story. I was in love with a full time interactive partner that was my equal in discussions, and attitude twoards anger and loudness. WE got high. I found weed. It was cool. I learned many pot lessons, perhapos the hardest and most important. Weed gatherings or chats are very much like the fight club in Las Vegas. You can say wonderful joyous ideas and thoughts and ways yoyre definatly going to change your life tomorrow,
and then nobody ever mentions it again.
It took me a while to learn that. In some ways, that is the negative side of weed. You have to start and finish ideas while high, or they vanish.
So I started writing while I was one weed. One teeny pea sized hit from a one hit dugout that looked like a ciagareerte was enough to start the fingers tapping, and be ebough for the night.
Way back then, at 33.
She taught me sex. KInd of. I wasn’t really a porn guy, and I didn’t ever even try se before her. Imagine yor first time. Awkward and shy perhaps… That was me, with the dded low self esteme, sself hate, and body fat. I do not remember anyone ever telling me I was good looking. I have to believe I am at least a 6. I never really acared. I believed I was a 6 or 7… with flab.
My A.D.D was sever. My anxiety or obcession, combinedd iwth A.D.D… It was difficult. ALthough she was my first and best girlfriend, it was inteklectually, and wasted. We watched shows together and I learned new things every day. I was able to make her smile and laugh, and it was a reward I phsuically felt. We’d hug and say HELLO when wqe entered a room. It was a great step up. I am alive whensomebody is in front iof me. I am dead when alone.
I do nothing but screensaver mode. My brain watches Saturday Night Live.
And thinks.
We were probably high too, and weed was new to me, The writing is a compuslsion. I need to get these ideas down, because I’d learnbed we don’t share them with not high Jeff. If I don’t write, I’ll lose what I sincerly believe to be the solutions to my universe and p;roblems.
They seldom ae, but I still to this moment, believe there;s gold in them there journals.
I recently hired somebody to gold dig. I want to be an online personality. I want to create content that people will read. I want a partrner to share my success, and wealth. Money has never been a motivator and I amd over generous to my detriment, but I love to reward anybody who will do something I don’t want to.
I may start a business on a lower budget inside my alter univer, and with luck, make enough to pay some bills evety month. Then, once a structure is in place, perhaps UI can start a team and pick one of my fantasy stoner projects to begin. Other people do startups all the time. I have faith that several of mine are worthy of a startup team.
I just need that person who will make me react, and not yell when I fuck up. I blme A.D.D for a lot in my life. You must understand that when I forget something you said, or an instruction, it is not just forgotten for a moment. It may be out of my queue and gone forever unl;ess reminded. I am not a good worker at times.
I am smart, and have a unique perspective which I value above others. It may be a menytal syndom,e or it may just be the weed.
I like it either way.
I have recently come to the conclusin that the weed version of Jeff, Orange Jeff – may actually be the one that can get things done.
The secret to the problem of Orage Jeff not talking to Monday Jeff is simple. Get high Monday.
Gwet high ant work, and let Orange Jeff try it on a dose of sativa weed.
light.
It may be better than ritalin ever was.
Zeppelin: I probably screwed up my phsych evaluation for tretment and requesred A.D.D meds. I believe I may have looked and acted exactly to the textbook of what they look for in a faker asking for theampehdimine pills pl;ease.
Refrence: House epiode.
[Pride Point]
There was a pause in the writing there. A bing of pleassure hit me and made me smile, like a drug rush, I imagined some pride in this writing. It is scattered and changes topic almost mid sentencebut I believe it may be interesting enough, and profound to collect a follwing.
I must remember, to others, I may look like a charecter. A fat Santa shaped raver with stoner stories, mind stories, rave stories and wisoem about creating your own univers.
Is my stories idea big enough to expand.
Book idea: We live in our own universe
Whether we believe it o nbot.
Everything in our universe is the stories were told, and the stories we tell. There is no recording of history that isn’t a story. We exist in the past, moments after the live moment of NOW. We react to it, and if we choose, turn those memoruies of NOW just past, into a story to be storyu wioth keywpord hastags for future use.
We are told by scientitsts that our brains stores them all, but I believe it really is much beterto store your experiences in thge stories library, where it can be recalled at any time, by triggering the right memory. Somebody may ask you when you ar 53, what your favourite chocolat bar may hav been when you are a kid.
For me, this could release a dozen stories. I can visually see the packaguing of some, and I have several chocolate bar stories I retell often. They are my go-tos. We all have go-tos.
EVeryone you ever met, is attached to at least one go-to story. Ones you’ve told more than once can be recalled more easily. Stories you’ve experienced, but never told, don’t get stored here. We don’t remember everyone we meet, until the instant we turn them into a story we tell.
Thinking back to my chilkdhood, I remember almost nothing of my family life, but I do remember the stories. I even know the names of the friends of my parents who were the story tellers. The last remaining one is still a Facebook friend, and still telling gfreat stories, with this new technology.
I should share this wth her. She might like knowing she made my life story. She is one of the key caharcetrs I based the entire universe on.
Simply because I remembered her,. And her name.
In our universe, the storytellers win. The people who understnd we write our own stories, and without witnesses, the story rteplaces reality.
The story is all, and you get to write your own.
I used to tell the negative stories. I’d complain about things. Often petey things, called Nitpicking. I actually read both volumes one and two of the Nitpcikers Gudei to Star Trek.
I love watching things on multiple levels. It keps both voices in my brain entertained.
That’s why I meed interaction.
Without it, I turn off, and wait for that next email, or the phone to rinhg.
I wait to react.
I’m getting better.
I have plans in place.
I am OK with moving at the speed of glaciers, because this is 2017. Glaciers are speeding up and changing our universe. I picked a good role model. IN we don’t pay attention to iceburgs, ourstory will change. Our universe will change.
Zeppelin lqands.
My original poiunt was that the effectis, when you learn that stories trump reality, you realise that a man named Trum,p gets to create the reality of America. Literally. He gets to write the story and say it, and it’s true.
HE learned a new level. Perception trumps reality. YV has always guided us and taught us how to rea t in society. It doesn’t shadow the people, it teaches the people. We know to act like the people we see on TV. It’s vital to society.
SAdly now, you can choose crazy as your universe storyis and it it becomes your reality.
IF YOU BELIEVE IT
IT”S TRUE
STORIES TRUIMP REALITY
PERCEPTION BECOMES THE NEW TRUTH
Ideally, without oposition to succeed… or it failes misrably because absolutes and facts caexist whether you bvelieve it or not.
I am confident that, if there is a heaven of any reality… a chapeter of my story after death, I am confuident it won;’t have mattered whether I believed it\n it, or even mocked it to get laughs.
I have been an unbelievably good person in my life. I am today, and unbelievably good person.
If I get sent to hell because I didn’t believe in Jesus magic, then I’m in the wrong universe. I need to change my vibration speed and sliders level up a frequency.
Scaenario. It is concvievable that Trump will appeal to his followers and convince them to ignore oposition. We want the sme things.. and then jsut change the information to say it is so.
THe president has a follwoing that will believe his story, and be satisfied they were heard. They may all move to 5states and run under a dictatorship. Happy.
All it takes to change the world, is to change the stories, or the way we tell the stories.
All it takes to change our universe is pcikw hcihs tsories to tell, and how to tell them.
Reframing is amazing.
We tell our own stories, why not tell them well.
Why not tell them with good lessons and morals.
The worst things that happen in your life become a part of you. Everything you see and learn evolves you. Learning to tell good stories is a key to success, and if you do it right, happiness.
When all else fails, make sure you tell a great story.
I ant this. I want to learn to make people want to hear my stories, or tell my stories. I revently gathered a following of fans in my alterte universe playing the social card game Cards Against Humanity. It is a game where people who may or may not know each other, freely become horrible discusting people, for points and the win.
It is an amazing ice breaker to find dates. I play regularly in my own home in Second Life.
I enterytain. The game is mostly silent players, so I narrate. I read the whole game in a funny game show voice and character, and I offer comentary, opinions, zeppelins, and even cheat by reading good ones and bad ones with obvious bias.
I also call out HOT POCKETS at times, and have declaired that card is a free pass point if palyed when I am the deciding judge.
Go play it with 4 friends or more. Beer or weed not mandatory, but helpful.
At least for me.
Orange Jeff has a glorious time with friends in my home.
It is unreal how great that life is becoming.
Emotion Alert: That scared me for a bit. It really is almost a social life.
And, I may not havemnetioned. fantastic new sex in world.
Love thos jiggly boobs in my face, around my deluxe animated penis.
Zeppelin lands again. Nope. Don’t liek that one. I’l keep mworking on the exact right snap back to previous opic. Programmers knew it as gosub return in my day, when I had a love for Commodore Basic logic.
I never got good at anything newer.
I pciked the wrong pony when I learned SP. PhP is tmy future and I have a real hard time learning on my own.
Without being made to react.
I keep threatening my self to take a class. I would have, 3 a year or more, if I had a partner in my face making me do it.
Pause. OK. Confession. The coke DOES effect me. I’m typing at a faster rate and with a bit mlre scattered concepts.
Whoops. DId I just confess coke for the first time tonight. The negative voice has a field day. Not onl;y does red left side puppet know it’s his week. Negative thoughts thrive in the period followinbg a coke highg. Unlike my E hell week, coke is sneakier. Difernt depression.
We’ll see.
HA,. I asked if that was my cke confession jst now. Ha. This article started with all about the coke. Was it real? Do I need to do a second. BING. Life detector rings. Third line tonight? I’ve set my own rule no drugs after 2am. It’s 3:30.
Whoops. Coke does that too.
I think for moment. Can I shut of the light and fake sleep long enough to sleep? WIll I obcess over being arrested tomorrow because I… oh yeah, the rest of the story.
I was a fool. I have been terrified of my drug deal;er since the start… and yet, bought more. His crack wsn’t good. His E is not even E. EVerything really points to a cop, but sincethe drugs were – meh, he’s been waiting. Setting up servalance because, while high, I hgot shary and mentioned I might be a drug source. All the recording devices are paused and the bosses are called. He said it. Lets set up a buy. A trap.
That was one scenario I can nlot shake. It fist so well. The guy is a comnplkete asshol liar like either something fishy is going on, or he’s a complete idiot.
I am a compelete idiot.
I don’t want my universe to change to being a criminal or an example just because my choice of drugs for personal use are harder than weed.
ACid is a top drug for charges. I have too much at times. Not today.
Ok… I did this.
I gave, to an idiot maybe drug dealer, but definatly if not a set up, then an idiot. I gave him the information that I can get some top qiuality fucking good acid and mdma.
Whoops.
So either this guy is legit, and just a newbie trying to ebe a dealer, or a setup… and if he’;s the ideiot, then he may also be the setup any day now. If he blabs to whoever his maybe source is, I’m under servalance anyway.I may have screwed up and changed my universe.
So lets live with that negative paranoia for a week.
End of p[art X. Sleep trial.
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