(set is minimal. Preferred, three walls and a table with two chairs)
(Couple enters. Each line is the other character in a conversation))
Oh wow. I love it. We should make an offer before it sells.
I don’t know. I have a problem with it. It only has three walls.
What do you mean?
Doesn’t that bother you? On;y having three walls?
I don’t understand. Everything only has three walls.
I understand we’re used to things this way, but in my home, I’d really like to change that. I feel like, with only three walls, everyone out there (motions to audience) can see us. They can watch us. I don’t think I like that for our new home.
Honey. We talked about this yesterday… we live in a play. We can’t have a fourth wall. I thought you understood that.
We talked about this yesterday?
Yes. We have this exact same conversation every day. Twice on Sundays.
Oh. Right. So that’s a no to the fourth wall?
Just pretend there is a fourth wall. It’s easy. Look. There is a window here (points to audience) and we can see the school across the street. We could put the portrait of your grandfather over here. You see.
I’m not good at pretending Doris. WHen I look out there I see people staring at me. (point to audience). There is a guy with a red sweater eating popcorn. How can I pretend I can’t see these things?
Honey. You literally in a play right now. You’re extire existence is pretending. Just go with it, and lets continue. Lets make an offer.
You’re telling me you could move in here and set up all our furniture here and this would not bother you? Does the bedroom have only three walls too? I’m not OK with that. This guy in the ed shirt looks like he’d watch us all night.
There is no bedroom, and you only have to put up with it for a few more minutes. I don’t understand why you’re being this way. We’ve been rehearsing this for a while. Why are you just bringing this up now?
Don’t say that Doris. it’s all in my script.
oh, right. Now I’m confused too.
(man in audience with red shirt stands up)
Pleaase stop! Can somebody call for a blackout and start the next sketch. This is madness.
This sketch was created in my head last night at 1am when I was trying to fall asleep. It was much funnier and a lot more complex, but I forgot it all when I fell asleep except for the concept. I’m not really happy with this version, but at least I remembered the concept.