An opinion one of my long moves recently where. I don’t feel like it is inspiring, but rather a never ending loop of delay and procrastination. I move between outstanding tasks giving the illusion of advancement without ever actually getting to a point where I can say; This one is done. Ship it.
The fear of completion saves me from my fear of that first share. The moment when your hard work is subject to the world, and the potential dream crushing reality of critical review.
I cal it the William Hung Syndrome because that first share should never be so public that any negative reactions become embarrasements rather than suggestions.
“Everything is perfect, untill the first share.”
dddI have a weird sort of pride in my work. My brain knows I am smart, and the things I create have value and are worthy of the praise I seek, but this feeling battles against self confidence in a strange mix of technical definitions. My pride level is high, but not quite high enough to break through the mental barrier of confidence to test the concept.
I know I create good work, but I don’t trust that my opinion of that work can stand the test of the opinions of the rest of the world.
This means I end up avoiding the first share and my work stays in the perpetual state of perfection in progress, untested.
I hate that about my confidence, but even with that self loathing, it is better than asking for proof. If I’m wrong, about either side, its more crushing than the fantasy in my mind that says it’s perfect.
I’ve written a few songs about this fear, and ironically, I have only shared them in areas where I knew they would chiefly be ignored and no comments would prove me wrong – or right.
A successful blo post that derreed from completing and sharing today’s work. My favourite fallback activity. Time to feed the chickens.
