It’s weird to be depressed on depression medication. It’s hard to define medicated contentment. I don’t cry all day, but I’m not productive.
My truth is, I’m masking some of my worst depression by sleeping till 2pm or 5pm like I did today. I have very little actual work to do and few customer needs. I just mope, watch 3 hours of TV and scroll Instagram
before going back to bed.
A lot of my feeds are all about how my life is matching all the ADHD symptoms which makes me think I can’t even combat them if I tried. I put off making calls to find help or
a therapist because I lost my car and Niagara is such a small city. I pre-imagine failure so I don’t try.
I’ve lost all my friends for one reason or another. I leave my bed once a day. I can’t even make the choice to move to BC because I imagine all the scenarios as negative and a
nuisance to my sister. It’s a lot of steps… So I do nothing every day. I have to borrow money just to eat some weeks. March is the worst month of the year and I can’t cover
the bills or food till April. I had water
today.
It’s hard when depression is so strong, it creeps past the mood the meds usually keep hidden.
I’m not happy.
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