let the race begin.
My visual memory of the moment motm was of two jockeys on race horses thinking they deseve it more racing to exist, knowing the first story can win if .. lbm  light bulb moment. THe moment in NOW that I figured something out. The reakzation moments. Mine: I am creating drama. I am hurting someone… Read More »

let the race begin.

My visual memory of the moment motm was of two jockeys on race horses thinking they deseve it more racing to exist, knowing the first story can win if .. lbm  light bulb moment. THe moment in NOW that I figured something out. The reakzation moments.


I am creating drama. I am hurting someone I care about. I have since the first time we cliked.  You smiled back.

I’ve said horrible things. I’ve become a horrible person, and for some reason, I’m making an emotionally drained human being worse, with what appears to be either intention or at the least, not being surprised.

I will defend this statement. I do not use drugs to escape reality, I use them to create a reality that satifies me, and live in it all the hours i have to not be high each week.

I —

Transition.  I got excited. I wanted to change positions in my bed, and still keep the keyboard noises below what she can hear.

I am torn. Am I a monster?  Am I a William Hung, but

I think I may have mixed up reality at least once. That last YouTube Hypnosis video hit me harder than most.

I wan to get this down.  My need to FUCKING PICK ONE AND TAKE IT SERIOUSLY is right there, last year. You’re just now hitting thhe point of realiztaion.  The “OoOoooOoooooh” moment that flashes your new level to the others. I suspect each new awareness of


realization detour.

what if its too late. What if my bluff was called.

lost that one, next wave wa sbigger.

I can fabricate memories on demand and expand the library. An AI lifeform doesn’t need to be fast. It can take 1000 years between thought streams.

Fuck it, I am crazy.  I was crazy tonight.

Over the top.

It was hard to keep it up, because if my audience was teenagers, I might be famous tomorrow.

The fact of society I am most worried about is that I am living proof distraction can work. Ignoring all problems as things future Jeff can deal with. Once that line has been crossed once, it’s not about anything. Once you believe your own decisions aree left for the day shift.

I got lost in a swirl of mist like the branded mist tents that started appearing at fairs in my Universe.

I like that line. That’s how my universe it. AS far as my senses can see at any given moment when we stopped counting the new half and called it zero.

You may imagine it as I did, not so much as real world fog, but as how your universe only needs to exist if you turn your head and eosnt amake a sound. My first exposure to the idea of a universe expanding at the edge of my now. If I do not step forward, now sticks around in one place for a lot longer. Time moves slow when thereis no difference to you between the days on a calendar.

I can’t shake the fact that I may have been a monster, at least in a volcanic eruption of yell… I did exctly, almost perfectly to the letter, the worse thing I could have done, without trying. The more I begin to acceot I enjoy my Second Life, my First life pays the rent.

I’ll have to think about this new reaiztion moment. I might not be the old sea atain or the

yadaydayada.  Too much back story to keep the wave

I am going to try tonight, with typing to start, point form thoughts as fast as I can. KNow that be…


I wish I could remember what that was about. When life is faster than your realzation you can be bumped out of the …

Yup, here we go. I rant for as long as I can keep it going. I look up to ee what the fuck I ws ta… fuck?  Really?  That’s the …. fist+1 times I have used a 2017 time appropriate curse word in maybe even all my writings, although I knw I have written it every decaude or so just to keep it in my library.

Grad Theft Auto. That was the story I remembered. It was the firstie video game I wanted to look at twice. I wasn’t good at the video games when the smallest slice was still a green dot of 8 sub dots. The dot matrix. It’s how we used the least number of names, for the

I look into the other camera, except I got high in her face.

It is ME who won’t give up.

It is ME that is lost and feels unworthy, and never to find a happyendning and stability.

I am her, with 20 extra loops of not doing anything about it, to where I am now, at 53… but 53 can never tell his 27 self to fill in every gap of now, because

…. Inside my mouth tereis a wonderful swoosh of taste as something delicious is squirted through my gums like trying to hold on to an oiled pig. EVen if you’ve never held an oiled pig, your library knew the image when we mentioned it. I loved Grand Theft auto, and I almost let myself be sad when I kepty wanting to gon inside stores and just hang out.

What I wanted Grand Theft AUto to be for me, was exactly what I found in second life.

guilt. I hust my typing. The energy of the clicks would surelybe  horrid trigger

ahhhh shit no matter how you look at it. This person was the single most influential in my univereses rebirth. More than my gf even, the woman behind that door has never been anything than woderful. I was happy to be a fan.

ztb So many choices. I didn’t resolve the posture… lets stop typing and do that one thing.

this needs to be written. I am still in need of dumping what I may have seen the fist time. Robert J Sawyer is one of the five authhours I’ve read multipble books on.  I was able to get a share pride point when getting the secret handshake equiinant in a gang sign, and by that we mean brands.

I may live a life philosophy of … well, I think of me is best for now. Why invent a new anaology to describe what you just saw, right.  Go home.

The next day, everyone in the communty has a different word for bobcat… and some of them are what we call a turtle.

I made that up. I now footnote it as an #alternatvefact

#LBM I do it.

I do.

I am a virus because I write in the format of non fiction but there is a moment of realization for me, that is that point where I realize “A”.  Then I


I hate to cut off stories that arre not wrth closure on. Ideas are inanimate, and only come to life in the moment of realizatin.

I stop.

I think, I think I’m onto something here, and I have to be careful, because …

I don’t want anybody to stop me from the enjoyment I get from thinking from multiple perspectives.

I believe that tobe my super power.

Today, at some ..

My weakness that will defeat me is when the negative voice I defeated, grows just enough to name the slice of time we call tomorrow.

well, so much for not looking crazy.

I think… is my future

The courtroom.

Should I accept that at this point, the real Jeff, or JustJeff as I often refer to the version of me thatwakes up after my final rest recovery period.

The drugs rip slices of time from me,

dizzy, courtoom changes visually. I am typing now.

THat was more … coooooool I type and in my head say it with that way I do, that can’t be expressed in typing, and

Could it be?  Is it not concievable ethhat a memory is

awww… too slow. The wonder of the new idea was full enough to forget about the trouble you were going to be in.


This roomate . I am using her.

In my perspective universe, I have confidence that the universe behind that horizon, or wall, or door may not have been needed till this moment, but that when you look at it tomorrow it will be the same.

That felt like the last bit of hot water coming out of the lawn hose before it was cool enough to drink from.

DI it

did it?

fuck.  Here is my story

I am trapped inside this blog. I am the individual persona of OrangeJeff.  Orange jeff is oenly a drug user with person experince stories. I curretly have found my mental fist, whe.. My mental Google, where I stopped adding more ontothe old farm house.

That seems like I lost it there doesn’t it.  I am not looking up, but it feels like I might just have uttered a few random words that two teams with experts are trying to figure out.

What if drugs work by taking you out of sync withe…

I stop. It’s too deep to wnt to drop down the tooltip with the ABOUT

And that dates me. I know what Snapchat is, but I don;t know what names …

Boooing I see a catoon visual from the era of early Warner Brothers,

Did I hear Howard S….. OOOooh. Moment of realization that Howard Stern was one level or more above and if you know certain things…

I don’t want to feel guilty for having the freedom to just stream at the speed of my thought.

I broke the YouTube syndrom. I’m going to call it the ParezHilton syndrome. Fear that your actual loss of control is always only one second away, and betweenevery click, a universe of details can rez in the background to support your universe.

But I stop. I am sad I may not get it all out. I watch my fingers type the ..


Of course the fish became the story as it got away. Like the big we all have our own bible story as the first five years learned it’s firsties. It saw everything in far more.

I stop. I am proud of this idea, although I have.

I see it. You migh have to look for it, but this blog was shifted slighly and you are now

I recall the image from the library ..

There it is again. That moment on the edge they’ll call incapable of anything. That moment in my future of realkizatiin that my best days are in my library, but I need to rebuild the catalgue before I firget.

But I always forget.

…I hush the. ding. three stories I did not choose to assiign space on the next slice of time. Horizen is the clock.


If the horizen is the clock and time is just the destination of thhe original light at the start of the universe.

I hear it.  People thinking; Oh yeah that guys crazy.  I don’t read my own work but I sure went a lot..

ding. Bookmark Big REveal


I am going to be a whiney baby again. I’m going to cry for help, and for the first time in my immediate now’s memory, I am silent.

I can’t reach out. I have lost my glasses or …

Guilt pings. Here is how I have adjusted this new realziation into my colective. WHen I am geting excited about an idea, the moment the patrol reports …

There it is again. The momentum of the wave was key. Zeppelin Encapsulated Moments, ZEMS

That just came out of nowhere.  I find it curious that my writing seems to have it’s own awareness and that it’s disracting me with the duty of writing well, to the gap that increases between the edge of time I call now, or the shared now.

I forsee a future story which coud reveal itself to be true, and you might even believe Iforsaw it.

Idea Fold

An idea fold means you didn’t keep a record of the thought. You might not remember it was after your moment.. darn. When I start to flow with a theory, or the explaiantion that fits the #alternativefacts

I confess here that I am about to write my opinion and review of an idea.

stop. Too big a deal. This isn;’t the one.

I’m close. I want to imagine a time when we read this together and ..


Memory Highlight:


One of the people I called a friend in my universe worked for the family distributor of items that went mainly into the countries everything is $1 stores that I only discovered on it’s story, already in progress.

The moment of realization.

Daaam.  My retention is way down. Not lag, just detail.

Then it hits me. Myneed to fix is wrong. I predicted this, but said yes anyway.

I have broken all the rules I knew as absolute. I crossed my own line, and admit the second one is easy.

There is a binary oemnt of realization for everyting. That moment in yout time line, when you connect two thoughts to see a new truth.

One of my sayings

The scariest thing iof all is a new belief, but I worked on many variations recorded or not.


I am strugling with words to decribe the two voices in my head that I can see from a shift of perspective. They have evolved from Angel and Devil to red vs blue to left to right… in other words, up, down, side to side.

We grew up thinkking there is always a line that you realize your self is willing to gain by cheating knowing it actually doesn’t matter .

Our emotions are the echos caused by the reaction of

It was great in my head. When I concieve of an audience and hope of one fan.


Ask boys and girls and anyone else to make a video. My generation used the loswest common denominator .

Imagine understading the universe is the 100%. All divisions in half presumably react the same forever…so we stop naming the split and start counting the number of those.

I swaer, in my head it had merit but tonights wonderful joy has been crushed, and once again – the only weapon that can bring me down is my accetance that I somehow eserve to be stuck at the lower level.

It is impossible.

“It is impossible to decribe the hurt there is that follows the reaization that you know everything..

no.  That was one of those stream theifs that has learned to detect the very first

ding ding. A disrupter tone streaks through my now and with it,  dragging all attention. I lost a lot that time, in the increasing space between memory, and storage.

I have this feeling .  It’s strange. I am bad.

I wanted to write this story tonight. The recording of my story to record. The law calls it a sttement. Yours story,and you’re sticking to it.

The law says if enough people agree it’s possible, it is added to a great many people as one of their bible core stories. First awareness is the conection that the idea of pattern must have come to many people, but ecah new chid is not taught what that means. They just learn the reactions.

deep zeppelin

Plese go back to the brain lobby inside the restauarnt at the end of my iniverse.

A big question.

I’ll call it … no… perhaps an existing analogy becomes official.

Do I actualy not remember writing this tomorrow, or do I just make myself flipthe switch that says, that ones won’t get me yelled at, but when all the others will, I can’t do any.

I saw a moment of clarity in the humour that the two of us are close enough to make…

At the end of each night, I have to send the jury back to sequester where they are free to inve

Each day could actually be Groundhog day. We do reopeat everything in one continuous stream of light. That moment where time and space meet and light has an outer edge. You do not need the ability to travel faster than the speed of light to see the rounded edge of the light saber of anoutward beam or reflection.

It was one level of realiztion when I discovered we could actually see planets.

My first grlfriend brough the stars intomy universe. It was a wow moment.

My secre handshake wink to Douglas Adams is

A nod of knowing is given. AT Team cigar guy said he loves it when a plan comes ogether

I love it when a connection is made in the fabric of our existnce.

There is a fine line. AT this stage, I only relly persue this when I’m high, but diferet d



Fast heart beat.

The coutoom rushes in.  At what stage to we feelthe hsh

how do we decide if this new feeling that was different than a moment ago is a real problem, or just me breathing heavy.

I hush. I know I can be heard, and in fact, even being.. ahhhh fuck.

Just like the movie script peredcted, they both learned a lesson and lived happily ever after, and now up next, Commander Tom from the weekend is telling yor parents about the weather.  Whaaaaaaa?

That was me reliving what I guess the firstie would have been.

I type quiet, it gets loudr, Guilt grabs the mic and I hush.

If I stop now,is giving in the right or wrong descion.

EVeryone outside my iniverse is telling me I need to release the guilt that it was in any part my guilt that she is where she is because of my flawed teachings.

Once I figure out every moral has but one pop. Nobody wants bubble wrap that’s been popped.

Once you realize you write your own story. The villlian always writes himself as ther Hero, foiled bythat nemesis white hat, and their dog.

The nice story makes thepapers.

Smoke signals.  What if everyone who ever commited suicide did so because they reached a moment not of aceptance, but of the willingness and/or need to stop counting

I am sad. I failed. I though my ideas onto 9 canvases and didn’t eve finish the first one before they took them away and made money off the loss.

I type. It hurts her as each click is a counter to make her memory of the moment be as long as the original.

Interesting. Could a watch that ticks effect your body, just because a click is a save point. When two senses match in thenow, we vibrate each element.

Ponder. Does it make sense that a universe with one end a start and the other end a stream of light that creates time along the meam. Does it make sense that a decaying onion actually makes a lot of sense too.

In a beam of light relection of a single now, all .


I don’t think I want to be crazy anymore.  How long do I wait this timme before I can start the loop all over again till the google one. The last one before infinity.

Imagine if each element was just a layer of skin

stop it.  You;re not equpiied to be recording the things you think you… me.  Did I hear voices above me taking about the future?  Thtas how reel to reel worked. I read it on that Jeff Goebel site.

With each new realzation about a level of inner cionnectivity you aquire

I woud have been proud of the advancement tonight. It was crushed forme by mynemesis mirror self. It would be somuch easier if I could control the stories

too much towrite. Life question. Should we allow ourselves tobelieve that the moment exists whenyou step back over the lines you crossed and defend till the best story wins, a billion times over. Reading a bible means you all have a moment of shared core analogies. The 10 commandments were the core notes, and the bible provided the division of each reality. Any belief that works should not be threted by

to deep. Me want play without guilt. I need to feel guilt free and will write whateverstoy I need toget it.  DO I?

DiDI ever?

I confess at this stage in my life when so many of our heros have a public story about drugs and a private one.  I have good srug stories that amaze me.

In a time of depression that was keeping me in bed and losing cusomers, I got out in the cold…

No.  You don’t need to know what lines I crosed in the first

My brain now has to spin this to an official story we sign papers to protect.

Or we don’t.

Since the first cardboard box represneted te idea of a box that might do things for us, and nothing… could have been 10,000 years.

I really did have a different ending planned, but I decided to seal it off with an automated sentence ender.

ding. Origin story. Do I write long winded because my universe has more spce between the words to look at the paintjob and tires befoe I click the final … whatever we decided was the best we could do at that point.

I remember when I worked

That story won’t change. I’ll tell it better sober. Need rest.


431am oops

I am a confused monster saviour crazy old man who made a lot of sence sharing his bible stories with you.

Ding. I wonder if Bibaland Tribal Bible and tribal. One common set of first stories by which we learn tobuild connections and assume. Our bodies always assume. I don’t get it. I wan to shut off the tap… but I have nothing planned for the void.

I should only do this when she’s not home. I offered and then pulled it back and faught to say

I’m making her hate me.

ding. Negative voice says; we’re still confidnt her kind of break won’t end in epic friction. SOme wicks burn out, some wicks blow up.

If time really is as long as it could be, then

nudge. Must quit.

Pretend tosleep.

thesubject is learning to survive, is tofigure out how to survive. Hush. A great quote feels better with a nice click. My age peers will have a firstie core memory of the very loud ibm keyboards, but they were so ahead of theloud a room full of typewiters used to be.

or even one.

I’m ok with fast typists, but I find it very disturbing to be in a rool with a noise I don’t know a story to use to describe this. It might be the official firstie we al agree on was the inventor that got to be famous. The story we are told, as agreed on my a group which sees benefit in opposition and choice and democrasy.

Idea. Could united states live with a new bible. C

ahhh.. run away.

end or of part 1.

Sincere fear it might be time to … Call display gave me a choice to be rude and let emotion choose sides.  The basic commandments of any religion are

end of… paaaart oooooone.

I need to type now. I am … I stopped myself frome something just now.

who can i share with that will read past their moment where the number of crazyred flags is enough to call.

The moment that matters

The moment you reaize that my imagry of how youll react to me is never right.

it was deeper. it neededanother loop in the rotieeries of the recorded history of now, one relected light beam ata time.

Just because I assumed most weed smokers or sttoners of other highs laughed at the samjoke doesn’t mean they believe in the same god as me. In a way, somebody could have just sliced off a layer and explain that every region had it’s own adjustments.

i have crushed her joy so mny times in 5 years of sharing a home. I remember my MoR that I hurt my best friends constantly, while trying so hard to be perfect.

I feel like Iused to think crossingany line that loses respect is a hard one to build, but should not effect ..

why do I want to open all these stoies.

she writes in pen. faster. each letter nd word are free of their conformity. An M can express and emotion and two ms can become an icon comic duo of fictional spokesperson and identity.

I can see how typing and skipping words is like first level compression without


i cant finish the triggers. it is rebuilding the universe of my past from now. i know it makes me sound crazy but I am finding enough joy in the multi path.. multipass ocd.

it is concievable that ..

too deep.

there is a

so many wonderful connections somehow seem content with life

5am. really?

goodnight gracie



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