I was going to start with the connection to the title of both this post, and a Katy Perry video. I have more memory of it than any other Katy video because it was a modern retelling of the core…

Last Friday Night

I was going to start with the connection to the title of both this post, and a Katy Perry video. I have more memory of it than any other Katy video because it was a modern retelling of the core bible story, pretty girls get to go to the ball.

I don’t think I started that sentence out with the intention of that sudden tone change with a sarcastic punchline.

A flood of imaginary tweet replies, as if I was somebody with a high fan base, or follower count as the kids are probably already not calling it.  I put my thoughts in front of an audience jury of my imaginary peers, but I probably don’t feel I’m in the same class as my imaginary peers. I always liked to say, if only I was already famous, now I’d be #fameworthy #prideworthy #shareworthy and finally, #IMWORTHY

Lets start again. An assistant comes into view running in an odd way that resembles the ball boys at a tennis match. They zoom in, give you the clap board and zip out.

Ding Ding. I already see it’s going to be nearly impossible not to want to talk about the game elements. Just now I wanted to discuss my excitement, spend and dissapointment played out like 4 lightbulbs on the porch being shot out one by one by the mysterious man who’s been watching us since the beginning.  The original Frogstar web cams date back to some time just after Jennycam… Perhaps before.  I always used WebcamXP.

In my LIVE life, I am …

 

… Flood.  I get anxiety and want to run away. I want to be entertaining, and I believe I can be. I believe I am. I have been training all my life, or at least starting with the original Bob Newhart show. I talk in sitcom. Never more than seven lines of dialogue between each setup and puncline.

Somehow I am torn now.  I’ll have to think about it and ponder when I am not still smiling from that new dark shatter. Indica… “In da Coooouch”.

oh no. Couch extended… not cooch.

The story of my first wife.

On my 54th birthday in the universe of this blog, I decided to go to the next level in Second Life and try to stick around in one place long enough to become a regular. To enter the role playing life.  RP.

It took me twice doing exactlky the same thing, but 3 years apart to get the lightbulb to glow. When you commit to the roleplay lifestyle, you don’t talk game. You live in the universe where your avatar is real, and from what I can see, many people are fin with just having avatrs exist, but they live in the text chats and private messages, or live voice conversations. I have come to enjoy both, although I was hesitent at first. I have a fear of loving something against the crowd, or hating sometghing agsint the crowd. I still prefer to live as little a footprint of inconvenience, and just the memory of a story, and smiles.

too deep, move on.

My first wife wanted the RP to be real for me, and commit as if she were my real live in girlfriend. As of now, I’m not sure how to react to that story and unhappy ending because the entire thing was pre lightbulb moment.  In a RP community, all conversation and story is character.  It gets confusing when people fall in love.

It gets confusing when people are on E and fall in love with whoever smiles, or maybe that’s just me. I’d say yes to almost any offer on good E.  However, I was high as fuck. Tanya was not. She was roleplaying. She was speaking to me from her very real single universe where the character avatar is a concious independant thinking entity… but those rules will have changed by the time passes from my NOW typing it, and your NOW hearing it or reading it in the leaked coumentys two days before opening night.

I’d love to have Kermit the frog do an Orange Jeff Show because he and I share a google listing.  I am Frogstar and he is Kermit the Frog, star of … and so on, but every time Kermit is mentioned, I get a Frogstar notification from Google.

I got used to it early on, but for a while I still got excited about the notification and enjoy a pre-imagination scene of new fans, before reality crushed the joy with the SPAM.

No… I was right the first time. SPAM is the food, spam is the annoyance.

unless you find SPAM annoying… I break out into the first round robin version of Monty Python’s hopefully famous enough song; Spam Spam Spam Sp[am.

I suspect but do not know, that the usage of the term spam to bean annoying unsolicited mail, may have been inspired by how annoying the spam song was.

And for people with a brain like mine, I could never quite get over the clear fact that when the customer asks; Do you have anything without SPAM, he is told the closest they could come is some concoction of spam, eggs bacon and spam… that doesn’t have very much spam in it.  However not 3 minutes previous, they mentioned at least two menu items with no spam. The spam creeps up on you.

My first wife, although I shouldm point out that we were never mnarried and I was avoiding any commitment talk. I will forever be grateful because each new companion I bond with, enriches and educates me more than they will ever know. I really do believe it’s possible to tell the story from 5 years in the future todaym and save it to the library of all that is your personal universe.

I had a lot of fun, but I wasn’t really roleplaying, and that was very easy to misunderstand.

One thing I learned from living through 49 years of low self esteme generated from birth till age 27 when I learned mental health was a thing and thousands of people were kind of like me.

I learned that you can never begin to concieve the thoughts of a depressed person. Instead of interacting and making memories you can turn into stories, you coinvince yourself it will not be fun, and worry your own negative biased version of a story.

Don’t try to understand. It is important tom know you can never really know that they’ve imagined you work for a hidden organization linked to the Banana trade.  Once a belief is seeded, our mind loks for confirmation we were right… I am ALWAYS –every time –amazed when the Univer just worked. It walked down a plank and another plank ..

infinite improbability drive.

DING.  So I had that moment tonight.  I have to start making my life there seem real, by never mentioning it’s not.

I should invent a Third Life game to play as avatrs in Second Life… or at least a T shirt.

T SHIRT… in Second Life, sell a T shirt that has the home screen of Second Life, but called Third Life, to be played in that universe. Then sell a real world T shirt with Second life

The funniest ending to the first wife story is that it was real, and I didn’t give it that respect.  I wasn’t ready to dedicate my entire time in Second Life to my RP girlfriend.

yadda yadda yadda … One night after a really hard shitty day, she saught comfort in me, her boyfriend, and I wasn’t there for her. I spoke like being alone was the right thigng to do… Anyway, I got a message outside the game saying that was it. The first straw I knew was the last. SHe ended everything we were on an angry mood swing, and took the house and moved away. All my things were left out on the lawn like a movie.  I expertienced drama.

It wasn’t a good match, and I’ll take 51% of the blame. Each day we must have both seen the annoyances of living together that come after the newness is out of falling in love.

Falling in joy.

I used to say, I fall in love right away. My critera is specific. If I’m smiling after a few sentences, we click. I fall in love with a smile, and then start dating to see if the annoyances out weigh the benfits of being with someone.

Our parents stuck in marriage like it was just the way it was. One bride till death, just like The Canada goose.

I can choose either sidee in the debate for divorse is good or bad. It’s nice to be able to be happy twice… because once you’ve had the care and effection of a true other half.

In my universe, I think erelationships should be for fixed terms. 1st year, 5th, and every 5 or every 10.  I know one man who, as he tells it, did pretty much that.

Second Life has taught me so much. I felt like a husband. I joked with everyone and she joked about me.

Then I went out with friends from my other RP group, whores fior drugs, where I have met some of the finest sharp dressed ladies of that universe. I would hazzard a guess that all of them are men… but Yowsa. To my generation, the media exposure of trans gender people were all big men with wigs and a 5 o’clock shadow. In my memory, reality was drag, cross dresser, and gender fluid were all just gay men in drag.  It wasn’t till that one woman made Playbody before anyone leaked she started life as a boy.

Oh.. Hello.  To many men, that was almost enough to make them say; well if they all looked like this dude, I might not object so much… but yeah, I’d still object.

I’m not saying that… they are, in my head.

8:45am.  Break time.

Next ask me about wife number two.  The cute white heroin addict from England who I suspected was an african women who is going to ask me for money at some point soon, who turned out to be an african man roleplaying having too much fun with me, and loving me. Way too much, like they teach you in the african love scam schools.

It doesn’t matter.  It’s RP.  I just hope she doesn’t take all my stuff.  I learned I gave her that ability, in all three of my homes.  I could be cleaned out.

I hate that I create thoise same stories in my head. This girl has told me she’s crazy and will turn on me and hurt me.  She did.

I predict more drama. IT may be hard to leave a true role player playing the role of a lover that won’t give you up.

I could be in for some trouble, but my drug dealer has the entire neiughbourthood police department on payroll, except for Charlie. He wouldn’t take the bribe. Don’t get caught by Charlie.

Time to break. Drink, eat, sleep, rave repeat.

Oh.  How about cereal.  Lucky Charms… they’re magically delicious.

 

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