I struggled. I can’t trust that I’m not actually crazy now. I always suspected my mother went freely into her madness just to run away from the responsibility of his care. A spoiled humiliated frustrated proud man #prideworthy lose his…

Just one line

I struggled. I can’t trust that I’m not actually crazy now. I always suspected my mother went freely into her madness just to run away from the responsibility of his care. A spoiled humiliated frustrated proud man #prideworthy lose his place. To lose his abilities to be who he was. A builder and a thinker. I respected him much more in review as I passed the ages he was, in those memories.

A glitch in my brain has blocked  no, filed without a link. I have virtually no memories of my childhood or parents until a decade back. I can’t be sure, but my story coincides with the Florida vacation where I slept with my first female best friend … Stop. We each slept at opposite ends of a 20 foot camping trailer on day near Kissimmee. (The real name for a town outside Disney World.

When we woke at sunlight, the stench was harsh. The stove gas had been on, presumably overnight.

Neither of us smoked. Bing.

Story update 2017.

Up to this moment the story I told was that I was glad it was back before I had a girlfriend that smoked.

It’s a giggle and a story tease.

However, I neglected to give credit that neither her or I are idiots. We would not wake up in a trailer with that smell… In North America at least, natural gas used for many stoves has no smell but it is a specific auroma recipient added so we all know from a young age what a gas leak smells like.

I smelled it and rushed her out and we ran to dad.


Alternate timeline. What if my parents were actually trying to kill me.

Ding. Denied.

Brain wave. I seem to be keeping my room mate up.

There really could be some new smells that spread her way and drove her to suppressed anger.

I frustrate her more each day and I’ve let it be known that is my personal he’ll. Living with disappointment near you is so first 50. I need my second 50 to be supportive… Because I’m getting tired of being the happy guy that keeps trying.

Ding. I’m not trying at al.

I am , but blah. Stone gets in the way of thinking.

Would I happy more stupid than I feel sometimes? I like to believe I’m pretty intelligent. However if I understand that there are clearly different mind makeups. Different ways to learn.

So many things I did not learn.

Making choices is easy when I have a second. My co.

When I’m not alone in life, I can choose. I can choose what, in my mind only, perceive as a choice to win a smile.

I can choose for two.


I don’t remember if I can.

From the wings, guilt pops out. Should we discuss tonight with her?

Only if in response.


Ooooh. Fun scenario to imagine.

What if a lot of people were exactly the same as me, but couple up for life and succeed.

I never kept a couple more than 5 years. No love. Respect, joy, delight, no touch.

Fuck do I really want to confess the big story just like that? Is this sweeps week?




Today, on that very cool morning and almost date evening, I said smart ass.

Her comeback was something along the lines of, better than a dumbass. I smiled, gave her much praise and said I’d try my best to remember it.

Later I did a callback and gave credit again.

Tonight, oddly I called myself a smartass. In my universe memories are all in our bodies, not just the brain so it’s concur able every cell contains memories.

This week I learned from Facebook that a buttload is an actual measutement.

It never occurred to me to confirm. It might have been made up.

I passed it on as a smile but my problem is I often pass on story or opinion as fact.

In my universe, reality is really, truthfully, quite frequently irrelevant. I am the keeper of the library of my universe.

If I believe it, it is so.


Did I just show crazy? When I talk about my universe I really mean the universe but I’m working on a seperate pocket universe of my own, just for testing. If I can figure out some of the mysteries of life and fit them into a story of my universe, I get 3000 points and level up.

I feel I might need to signal when it’s a joke. My grandfather and both my parents lost their minds before me.

I’m not crazy yet. I’m mad scientist crazy.

End of part two. Accidental numb hand creeped me out.

I did a line of new. Of coke.

I don’t like coke… But it’s too hard to ignore when you have it.

The story I tell is,

I am nearing a meet with an escort in rl.

RL is the slang we use to signify real life or second Life.

I have three picked out but I chicken out.

I bought coke because high women turn me on. I am feuled by my partner’s pleasure so anything that emotes more is a winner.

I won’t do coke on sex day.

I pause. Her real face is there now. A red 1 above her firhead signifying one new message. It seems to be encouragement and reassurance I am not to feel bad about the spontaneous and abrupt ending.

I confess a secret. I am known for spontaneous and abrupt endings.

I’m trying to break that.

End of this part. Sleep trial 1.



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