Living inside depression can be toughm, and as impossible to describe to an outsider as ikt would be to decsribe ORANGE to a blind man.
One glint of joy however, is when you realize you can still imagine things. You can stil close out reality and play with stories that are just fabrications. Sometimes I use this to think out how others may react to me if I say yes, or if I say no. I think out the various possible possible or negative outcomes.
Today I am thinking about it regarding my sad friend behind the wall. She is alone, and I have islolated myself kin my rom for a break. She needs constant attention to keep her thoughts free like a bad tripper experienceing acid might want a spotter.
I am failing her, but for now I’ve come to grips with that, and acceopt it. I do ikt anyway.
I ponder.. what would happen IF. I were to open that door and bark at her, like a puppy that needs training, or like a mother to her child… or like a mean boyfiend. That one is too har to relate to. I don’t want ti be mean. Its just that she is lost and dreaming only the bad dreams. She’s rotating obcessive thoughst about how to resiolve porblems, but they all pop back to reasosns she can’t. It’s a mental loop that she’s tarpped in.
I wonder if I was FRank. Trutehful. No.
No No No. Stop. THink this instead.
Lok at things from this side. You’re brain is stuck in negative mode. Your battery can’t hear the positive.
Maybe that’s what shocke therapy is… filling a bosy with more positive than nagative… probably not, but it was an idea. Maybe I’l google it later.
Naww…. I’m not an expert. I could easily break her more. In factm, I probably am.
No No No
I keep my door closed. Her breakage is hers.