I’ve been active before. I’ve filled my days with activities over the years but recently I have actually been busy with multiples client projects behind. I actually have four active people waiting for completions.

The reason I’m behind, is because I have four of my own projects in progress too… And they’re more fun. As I get close to the end of any project, for me or for others, that is when I sabotage and stall 

Anything unfinished is safe and close to perfection. The risk is in finishing them.

I’ve been noticing things about my life a bit more in the pauses between busy periods. I don’t have as much idle time so obsession is concentrated. I am seeing the kind of decline that can be explained by age, illness or drug use. That’s a nice buffer that hides the blame enough to not feel obligated to quit drugs.

The irony is I am happy for most of the time. Staying busy helps. I like programming more for my projects mainly because I don’t have deadlines or a boss on my projects. It’s easy to avoid the work I’m supposed to be doing. I was in an executive dysfunction funk for about a week. Drugs helped. Pizza really helped. I miss pizza therapy. Acid therapy used to help too.

Yesterday I started another new one, because the plugins were getting close to being done, and my excitement for them will get drowned with the failure of release attention.

End of this part.