One of the things I think about from time to time is my position on a scale of intelligence. I’m smart. I have never not been aware that intelligence has levels.it gets confused with knowledge and experience a lot.

It is clear that I think different than others. I have a better understanding of things and a different philosophy about life. I just wish it was ok to talk about it, but people really hate being told I’m smarter than them.i get that.

It’s a hard life if I let it be, but an easy life if I let myself ignore most of it. It’s a horrible world we live in where the people that understand are working a system so far above the general population and it just keeps moving. System and cities and civilization as a whole was, and still is structured on levels with justifications few will ever comprehend. 

I don’t claim to understand it all. Not even a fraction I suspect but I do see that it’s there. A society specifically designed to control the world to benefit a few. An engine that resists change because the people can’t escape 

I hate being smarter than others but I really hate that I coast in the system and do so without being able to buy food most months. What I hate the most of all, is that I understand how little effort it would be to not be broke, and how satisfying a life change could be, but it’s easier to do nothing even when it means I live with freeloader guilt 

Sigh.