Certain personality types are labeled as people pleasers. Usually they can be linked to some trauma where they develop a need to be liked and praised and hate to disappoint. The ADHD community has claimed it under the term rejection sensitivity dysphoria I think everybody wants to claim the people pleasers on their team, and why not? They’re useful people because they are usually submissive without complaints.
I have alwaysiver under the global concept of “please don’t yell at me” which I suppose has elements of people pleasing. Because I’m so afraid of upsetting or inconvenient anyone, I don’t always do the full people pleasing act. I’m almost the opposite. Rather than concentrate on the efforts to people please, I put my attention into the efforts of not being annoying or disturbing or interrupting. I will avoid work to people please in the hopes that I don’t have to make decisions that could be wrong.
I have developed into the kind of person that doesn’t like to make any decisions but is happy to do what I’m told although I tend to do it poorly and then people end up yelling at me anyway.
But I do get joy from giving joy. There are few things that make me happier than seeing a smile on someone’s face and knowing that I am responsible for it. Of course the other side of that coin is that I am deeply deeply hurt when I’m the reason for a frown and not feeling can stay with me for 40 years.
Today while I lay down for an afternoon nap, I patted my stomach to signal the cat over for some mutual affection. The cat recently lost her best cat friend and she’s been extra weepy and demanding this week so I’ve been letting her jump up on my stomach and lay there until one of us needs to move more. I realized I am a pet pleaser.
I think one of the main traits that makes you a good people pleaser or a good animal pleaser is that you give your time and effort to the priorities of someone other than yourself. Having a cat constantly demanding to be cuddled is annoying. It’s one of the things I used to not like about cats but over the years I have grown to not hate it.
Now I actually kind of like it although I don’t necessarily need it 15 times a day like she does but still I am projecting my emotions unto her and feeling sad that she’s without her best buddy this week. When we walk down the hall to the washroom she sits and stares towards the door waiting for her friend to come. Her friend doesn’t come. So I give her double pets on the head.
I’m only a little bit worried that I can’t keep up this pattern and when I quit early her head bonking it’s getting more aggressive each time.
I guess that’s what it’s like to be a cat person.
