High in the clouds
I'm not sure if I'm happy, content, or high.

High in the clouds

I kind of have the feeling that I am staying fun to maintain a level of happiness while ignoring the fact that I should be happy. There are certainly some good things in my new life but it’s not really a good life. I miss people. I miss the freedom of my car. 

I miss Summers. I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of my new home and the new chapter of my life and although there is less stress and nice people. I’m missing a lot of the things I used to enjoy. Saturday adventures. Parties. Fajita night and just my friends in general. 

It really shows up most on days like today. This is the first July 1st I haven’t left the house. Everyone else did so I was taking care of the dogs but I didn’t celebrate Canada Day and I didn’t have corn on the cob or eat at the Eglinton Ribfest. By sat in my bed or at my computer and made silly videos all day which is fun but it’s a solo activity and very soon I’m going to get tired of it because people aren’t responding and people aren’t showing that they care. 

The same thing happened when I was making drug videos everyday. They’re fun to make but eventually you get tired when you don’t get any likes or comments. Online interactivity is not a replacement for social activity face to face and I’ve tried my best to make myself believe it is but it’s July 1st and I haven’t been to any ribfests or festivals or street fairs. There were opportunities to go but I don’t like to do things alone. They seem to be a waste for me if I don’t have someone to share the experience with and to make it a story.

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