Friday is a Monday. rabbit

Live Brain Transcript, Personal Journey

It’s December first. I didn’t do November,.. I didn’t even have a fajitas party. Only the second month I’ve !issued since I started. I really didn’t go out much, and now as I therapy write at the speed of thought…

Friday is a Monday. rabbit

It’s December first. I didn’t do November,.. I didn’t even have a fajitas party. Only the second month I’ve !issued since I started. I really didn’t go out much, and now as I therapy write at the speed of thought again, I’m getting worse. A lot of what I think these days doesn’t get to the blog. I’m trying to ride the wave of my river of now. In denial… The river is senile.

Ding I actually read *I crack me up* following a joke and I spent energy debating whether she was using … Yadda yadda yadda.

I stop. I don’t like my usage here. Yadda yadda yadda is a Seinfeld reference but they use it right and I didn’t.

My usage needs a new one. It’s the moment in.NOW when your second voice has decided whatever your first voice is saying is either to complex for it’s worth as a story, or it might be I’m just too high to do it justice.

If my own story can’t hold my interest, I won’t be able to tell it. When I start talking, I keep talking and sometimes the flashes take my stream of words and thoughts. The prayers are two Rivers west. I’m not happy with that joke but maybe it could be worked.

Hmmm… Instead of saying I need a wife, I need a caseworker maybe.

I want to believe my ideas are #prudewirthy and #smileworthy and #shareworthy because #imworthy

I don’t know what is coming for me if I come to your senses and stop this end of life talk. Sadly I can’t use Kevin Spacey as my goal model <sic} as the guy who didn’t start till late, but I guess he stopped being a reliant goal model when I passed that age by 10. I need to find a new guy who made it big at 60.

Maybe he’ll pay me. Maybe I can live in his guest house.

Ding I’m not sure if I was way crazy with the way I handled myself in battle with another guy like me. A hosting guy in BC. I might have almost topped over the crazy Jeff. He appears when his opposition isn’t listening to me.

I believe that most disagreements from minor to nuclear, are settled one of two ways. One side successfully convinces the other side their story wins, or they give up trying to convince them because you can’t make somebody not believe.

If the loading side could just accept the loss in advance, and tell the same story, history wouldn’t need war… On paper. Governments want you to believe war is a horrid thing and a last resort but in many ways, America is as bad as the middle East. America runs on war. Without it, we’d have overflowing towns and cities with unemployed and often unemployable youth.

In some strange way, war is daycare for millions of men and women. It is also presented with the biggest pride show. American vetrans in public are respected above all.

Your parents are proud, and happy because they didn’t know what to do with you.

I stop. I’m poking the dragon more than I need. I only tell these story fragments to show where my mind goes. I don’t want a fight, I just want either of us to convince the other. If I like you, chances are you’re right most of the time, and if we stay friends or more, it’s because you didn’t have the need to be right all of the time.

Click or clash. It’s fast for me and once I feel a connection I explode with idea joy about how I can unfreeze. Is this my co. I have been searching for 25 years, in between each 5 year pairing.

I’d really like to believe the new me gets it. Self esteem isn’t really anything I needed to spend 50 years worrying about. I have a new confidence in character.

I’m ready to do what I do best. I serve at the pleasure of my partner, within the confines of my universe. My joy and existence is in the sharing of stories that make us smile. My joy comes from being the best I can be for somebody else, all the while thinking only about me me me me and what everyone thinks of me.

I’ve seen it in me and been called out … I think maybe by everyone in different ways. Once something becomes a part of my universe, other related things get noticed. Signs.

The oooooooh moment when the lightbulb of realization goes off and you suddenly understand why this and that are the way they are. That’s why 50 year olds think they’re wiser.

Reddit has a group titled TIL and it didn’t take long ding I changed it as I was typing from it took a while. More positive.

Today I learned. It is a fun group where people confess to a new awareness, lesson, clarification or correction.

Today I learned George Washington crossed that river in that boat, on Christmas day in the snow.  What a bastard. War had rules. It was a gentleman’s slaughter.

Dieing for somebody else’s fight is worse than paying to whitewash a fence or wear clothes with advertising on them.

Edit. Whitewash a fence is a good reference only to those who remember Tom Sawyer and nobody will remake it because slaves are still a touchy subject.

Flash. My brain flushes and the river clears. Break it says. Drink, eat,

End of part 1. 1219am Dec 2

My roommate didn’t pay her rent on the first, after I specifically requested it and reminded her and even passive agressivly over played having to go to the back with 4 rolls of toonies. In Canada, they’re rolls of 25 $2 dollar coins. $200

My last stash. My coins.

I was 5 shirt for rent and couldn’t renew 4 domains. Luckily nobody noticed frogstar.ca was down for 5 hours. I could be screwed if any auto withdrawal come out on Dec 2 or 3.

I have to send the invoices out.

Ok, mini vent over. End of part 1, addendum.

Hmmm… I should not be saying this. I do run a good business but not as good as before. I let imperfection slide like everyone else now.

End

 

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