Yesterday ended in an exhausting mood swing. My new job is a lot to adjust to, even for me; a guy who talks about adjusting to change like it’s my superpower.If I’m honest with myself, I know I’m cheating this time. The way I’ve adjusted to a complete reset in my life is to get high, stay focused, stay happy and coast until something happens.I know it’s wrong, and the problems are starting to show. I’m actually in trouble for my future and I’m high enough to ignore it for now. My health is suffering but I can ignore that today. My work is suffering but it will work out Monday when help gets back from COVID leave. My housing situation is really fucked and I just spent more reserve money on getting high enough to not worry about that either.My usage since I started this contract job is higher so I feel worse emotionally and physically when I stop, so I use again.It’s a cycle I understand is common. We don’t worry about what the effects are until those effects take us down.I hope that isn’t today. I’ll have the weekend to rest and ponder… But I’ll probably just get high and party. I have nothing stopping me but myself, and I know I do what feels good now. Instant gratification with a few exhales.I’ll set a goal to call my doctor or somebody to put me back on a path with therapy and Adderall. That is my current plan. Swap a legal drug for the costly street counterfeit.End of part 1.My spun mind needs some better interaction.

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