It’s hard to describe in words the way that I tend to freak out. It’s kind of like… An explosion of thoughts followed immediately by a vacuum of no thoughts. In a moment I am aware of the failure and all the ways it will effect me and any others involved, and the a peace wave where I just stop thinking and want to go to sleep.
My mind then starts the process of trying to resolve whatever the problem is, while the second voice in my head is all the while screaming to just stop. Just give up. Run away.
It often means I sit motionless for a while, or lay down and stare at the ceiling. I’m doing a bit of both today but I’ve already ordered my groceries for the week, paid down my overdue Internet account for the home I left behind last week.
I have an Android TV box coming so I can finally catch up on Picard before they transfer it to their paid service this month. Of all the comforts I’ve done without, I miss TV the most.
I’m calming down. Next up… Haircut!