I want to feel like this was a good choice. We all want to feel that way. This was a positive decision that will help towards the goal. Who knows at this point. The best I can hope for is…

Familiar Fog

I want to feel like this was a good choice. We all want to feel that way. This was a positive decision that will help towards the goal.

Who knows at this point. The best I can hope for is that my choices don’t go horribly wrong and hundreds of butterflies die because of it.

As I say at my desk today, I knew the feeling well. I’ve sat at many desks over the years looking at tasks I seemed unable to focus on and set out a plan. The blah mode that locks you out.

I decided to try something different. I planned a mini freak out and run scenario and pitched it to the boss with hope. I’m still the same ADHD Jeff even if you give me hours in an office and a hovering boss.

I walked away making it sound more like o had a plan than I really do. I have no plan except to change plans.

Trial and error or try and fail. Something new may not work, but no productivity was happening anyway. I needed a cooling break to fully understand the big picture. In Toronto, I am homeless, unfocused, lonely and poor. Everything is my life is different than it was in April. Everything in unfamiliar and it’s a lot to adapt to while the boss is asking for that update

No joy.

I should do the things I need to do. Find a doctor and mental health support. Somebody to guide me through this crisis and be ready for the next. Get on the right meds. Maybe find some financial aid. Lots of heavy stuff. Easy to avoid tasks.

I would like to try the office job again with a better plan and management. With the real prescription working correctly, and therapy support, it would be wonderful if that could be me.

I’ll work towards accomplish at least one contact today. One phone call while I still have a bedroom for the night.

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