I was editing a video and checking my social media just now, as I do most mornings after the morning farm chores. Suddenly, I made an important and potentially horrible discovery.
I woke up, realizing that I’d been asleep and dreaming for an hour. My dreams were of doing the normal everyday tasks I do when I’m awake. I dreamed real life. This is horrible on multiple levels, but mostly because I now have to redo them all over. I have to edit this mornings cow counting videos.
I could never have expected one of the side effects of not doing my morning recreational drugs would be that I’d live my dull life while awake and while I sleep. I suppose life on those drugs went went through time faster so I have to live twice as much time without the medication.
Hopefully I’ll find time to have some of my fun dreams too. I’d hate to have dreams as uneventful as my waking life. It’s going to be tough live one life without the drugs that helped me get through it, but living it day and night is worse.
Other than this, my transition from being spun on drugs all day is going better than I expected. Not every moment is obsessed with the high like it has been in the past. I’m still considering trying to last without.
It’s not even been one day without any drugs though. I’m weaning off quite slowly, and that has helped cravings more than last time. Tomorrow may be zero drugs day 1.
However, Friday brings with it a deposit that should provide enough non allocated cash flow to re-up so that will probably tip the scales and allow me to put aside the foolish thought of abstinence and start the loop of using all over again.
The reset button money provides.
